I don’t believe in soulmates. It makes me immensely sad to even write that. I don’t know how to believe that there is someone out there JUST for you, just RIGHT for you, just right ONLY for you. Is this even possible? I’m not your average optimist, because even if there is some “good” in people, there is a whole lot of “bad” in people too. But let’s leave that aside. Ever so often, I go on and trash out this concept of soulmates, and here I go again.

Pop culture makes us believe that there truly is someone out there for you. Sex and the City makes you believe that everyone is entitled to two GREAT LOVES. Now two great loves, thats better than one. That’s twice the hope, and half the probability of getting it all wrong. But I’m a sceptic and I say Just two? What is this, the lottery?

What’s my definition of a soulmate?
Its really simple. Think of something you want to share with someone. Could be anything, an interest, a hobby, a house, a child, anything.In fact, think of all those things you want to share with someone. Your soulmate is that someone if he wants to let you share those things with him. And in turn, you want to share all the things he wants. The keyword here is ‘want’…If you don’t want three children and have them anyway because he said so-beeep.wrong answer.move on. I’m sure there are plenty of other age-appropriate situations I can think of here, but I’d rather not go there.
People tell me that relationships are about compromise. I hate compromise. For a woman, compromise always means surrender. And that’s why I don’t believe in soulmates. Because, in my Utopian romance, soulmates don’t have to compromise, they never look at it that way. A fight is when you want something, and your partner doesn’t want to let you have it. A compromise is when you convince yourself that it is OK to not get that something, because he doesn’t want you to have short, a compromise is when one partner surrenders to see things the other’s way. Its totally not meeting halfway. There is no such thing as meeting half way. That is bullshit, and the sooner you stop believing, the better.

Compromises are not my thanggggg. But I do it sometimes, most of the time. And I don’t know why. Or when to draw the line. Or where. Maybe its because I don’t believe in soulmates. No soulmate= compromise. Soulmate= No compromise.

Damn bloody simple. Damn bloody depressing. You can have big fuckin walk in the park about all the love and romance, but if you want something from someone, and he can’t give you that, is it really worth it? I am not talking about act of physically giving something. Support, empathy, backing…sometimes, i feel like I’m giving this away with no hope for ever getting it back. I wonder if that makes any sense. Guess not. Love is overrated. And yet we beg to be loved. Its sickening.

Enough said, I’m off to drown myself in a tub of Mars ice-cream.


10 thoughts on “Angels

  1. Love is soooo overrated! And so is the concept of soulmates… yes maybe when you meet the person, he/she seems ‘right’. But people change, and they change every single day. So how can someone stay ‘right’ forever???

  2. I know. I had it all wrong. Well, at least my MARS icecream won’t let me down. Always chocolate. Always caramel.Such a reliable crutch. I couldn’t ask for more. Well, maybe I could, but I wouldn’t get it.

  3. Hmmm…. interesting! I had a long drawn discussion on this with my father over a period of 8 years. In fact it’s still on… Very interesting findings from this little project one of which I share with you. On numerous occassions I have come across people trying to define ‘love’ and all that it encompasses. I dont know how they do it. I can’t! So I asked my Old man’s opinion and he gave me a stunner. I am still trying to drill holes in his definition which he claims is universal and applicable to all. He says ‘When the happiness, sorrow and welfare of another person becomes equal to if not more important than your own happiness, sorrow and welfare, then the feeling generated is called love.’I dont know how far or deep this is or how much of it do you actually understand but I find this the most apt way to define love.

  4. That’s a very nice way to put it. Its a hopeful one too. We all believe in love, to a certain extent…I believe in love, but I don’t believe in soulmates. Because what you just described,on a very very deep level, that’s love only two soulmates can have.

  5. if your talking about soulmates, then youre talking about love..and to me i’ve always known that you can’t ‘love’ just one person in your lifetime…for some reason, if it doesn’t last, does that mean that the love u shared wasn’t real? does it make the time u spent together, redundant? nope, didnt think so either.people get uppity when i tell them i’ve loved a lot of people, just at varying degrees. but its always been love.sure that makes it harder for me to define what ‘love’ is, and one might say that i’ll never even really know WHO my soulmate is, even if i met him and he passed me by..sure, i’d hang my head and cry but i’d move always boils down to this- we’re not all given the gift of recognizing ‘the one’ and most of us will never be sure if we hit the jackpot or just the runner up prize,There are only two things we can do 1) hope damn hard that the other person wants to be with u, just as bad 2)have faith that theres someone better out there.denial or practicality? i’d like to think its cold hard practicality

  6. You’re right..there’s not just one love for a person. And yes, you can and you definitely will love different degrees.I really wish there was some way of knowing whether I am making the right call. And even though it is as obvious as the sky that no two people will love each equally, its just too difficult to accept it.Having faith is sometimes the hardest thing…

  7. Compromising. It’s a wrong… negative word to use when its with regard to love. Sure, if you’re just talking about a relationshiup, which is flooded with ego and attitude. Sure… use compromise. I call it sacrifice, with a smile. It’s about giving up something happily, just because if you do it the one you love will be sad, or angry, or feel miserable… could be anything. if it brings a smile to my girl’s face, I would give up the world. I live, breathe, sing… just for her. My life is hers. I stand in front of you ruined, and I don’t regret it one bit.We love. We fight, a whole lot. It’s because we’re human. We say stuff to each other we don’t mean, just because we want to hurt each other then, coz we know we’re hurt. But I wish to die before I stop her from having what makes her happy. Even if it is another man. I may shout scream and go berserk, but I’ll hold the man’s hand and give him to her. Still, manage to walk away with a smile.Love’s overrated? Yes, you can say that. It’s coz you’ve never really truly felt it.When it happens, truly, all this thing you’re talking about — meeting halfway, compromise, who stopped who from getting what… all of it becomes so irrelevant… so petty.You just love… you just say sorry, even when its not ur fault, not to sort the fight out, but just so that the other person doesn’t feel that its her/his fault and feel bad about it. You just love, like you breathe, in and out, every moment of your life, painlessly, effortlessly…Sound like I am not from this century, right?When you love, truly, you won’t be either. You’ll go beyond time, beyond this world, beyond wants and needs and requirements.

  8. Sounds very Utopian, conman. Sure, I believe that you may well be that perfect guy for your girl, ever-giving, ever-loving. But this great love is not for all to find. Because many of us are afraid of making ourself so vulnerable, so exposed to other person. I know I am. I think many of us go through life without ever finding great love. But as Mahi says, you find the runner-up prize and walk away happy. Maybe its wont not knowing better, maybe its just being practical.Like I said, for me, compromise is the same as sacrificing what you want, to give in to the other’s wishes. I don’t believe in sacrifices. Its just grandiose way of saying that you didn’t get what you want, but hey, you’re happy about that.

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