Enough of the “a day in the life of Drops of Jupiter” stories, no matter how utterly fabulous and envy-inducing they may be.
The men in a girl’s life. a la moi. Simplified. For the benefit of men of course.
- The Father-The man who’ll always love you no matter how fat you get, or how many times you screw up.
- The Grandfather-The smartest man you’ll ever meet.
- The Brother-The man you’ll always underestimate.
- The Boyfriend-The guy you make out with.
- The Husband-The man who pays for all your shopping.
- The Good friend-The guy you get along famously with, only he doesn’t get to make out with you. (Yeah, life’s a bitch, get over it!)
- The Best friend-The only guy who will warn you when you’re making the biggest mistake of your life.
- The Lover-The guy who’ll never forgive you, and yet always be nice to you.
- The Jilted Lover-The guy who loves you and doesn’t hesitate to spread rumors about you, or beat up your friends.
- The Bitch-The guy who pays for your drinks and listens to you bitch about the other men in your life.
- The Project/Study Partner-The guy you’re least interested in, and are hence able to concentrate on the project.
- The Colleague-The forbidden, tabooed land of fatal chemistry you’ll never venture into. Unless…
- The Bad Boy-The pierced tatooed junkie you’ve got the hots for.
- The (pimply) Nerd- The only guy who has the hots for you.
- The Stalker-The guy who blank-calls twenty times a day
- The Whacko-The guy who threatens to cut himself/throw himself off the building for you.
- The Sick Whacko-The guy who throws you off the building.
- Mr.Right- The figment of your depraved imagination. (In many cases, Mr.Right is Latino/Italian)
- Mr.RightNow- Your depraved reality
- The Bore-The guy you eventually end up with. (Especially if your dad fixed it)
- The Hotshot-The bore you divorced/dumped.
- The Rich guy-The man who can buy you the world, but not your heart. (*awww*)
- The Married Guy-The guy you wouldn’t/shouldn’t give the time of the day. Seriously.
- The Pervert-ermm..this could be anybody.
- The Son-Well, we’ll just have to wait and see, won’t we?
To be continued..
Ah, and boys, don’t start placing yourself anywhere my dears. Only we know where you fit. You don’t. And you won’t.
So shuffle around, the music’s playing! (And I know. I love you too.)