Superman

Enough of the “a day in the life of Drops of Jupiter” stories, no matter how utterly fabulous and envy-inducing they may be.

The men in a girl’s life. a la moi. Simplified. For the benefit of men of course.

  1. The Father-The man who’ll always love you no matter how fat you get, or how many times you screw up.
  2. The Grandfather-The smartest man you’ll ever meet.
  3. The Brother-The man you’ll always underestimate.
  4. The Boyfriend-The guy you make out with.
  5. The Husband-The man who pays for all your shopping.
  6. The Good friend-The guy you get along famously with, only he doesn’t get to make out with you. (Yeah, life’s a bitch, get over it!)
  7. The Best friend-The only guy who will warn you when you’re making the biggest mistake of your life.
  8. The Lover-The guy who’ll never forgive you, and yet always be nice to you.
  9. The Jilted Lover-The guy who loves you and doesn’t hesitate to spread rumors about you, or beat up your friends.
  10. The Bitch-The guy who pays for your drinks and listens to you bitch about the other men in your life.
  11. The Project/Study Partner-The guy you’re least interested in, and are hence able to concentrate on the project.
  12. The Colleague-The forbidden, tabooed land of fatal chemistry you’ll never venture into. Unless…
  13. The Bad Boy-The pierced tatooed junkie you’ve got the hots for.
  14. The (pimply) Nerd- The only guy who has the hots for you.
  15. The Stalker-The guy who blank-calls twenty times a day
  16. The Whacko-The guy who threatens to cut himself/throw himself off the building for you.
  17. The Sick Whacko-The guy who throws you off the building.
  18. Mr.Right- The figment of your depraved imagination. (In many cases, Mr.Right is Latino/Italian)
  19. Mr.RightNow- Your depraved reality
  20. The Bore-The guy you eventually end up with. (Especially if your dad fixed it)
  21. The Hotshot-The bore you divorced/dumped.
  22. The Rich guy-The man who can buy you the world, but not your heart. (*awww*)
  23. The Married Guy-The guy you wouldn’t/shouldn’t give the time of the day. Seriously.
  24. The Pervert-ermm..this could be anybody.
  25. The Son-Well, we’ll just have to wait and see, won’t we?

To be continued..

Ah, and boys, don’t start placing yourself anywhere my dears. Only we know where you fit. You don’t. And you won’t.
So shuffle around, the music’s playing! (And I know. I love you too.)

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42 thoughts on “Superman

  1. Oh My. Surely most guys are a combination of each of the categories… No? I think it works better for combining the traits of girls, you know like that song from Meredith Brooks… Biaaaaatch!

  2. Oh My. Surely most guys are a combination of each of the categories… No? I think it works better for combining the traits of girls, you know like that song from Meredith Brooks… Biaaaaatch!

  3. Classifying can lead to many alterations along the way. Just when you think you have everyone sized up there is a new mutation evolving somewhere. I gave up long back except that now I just have these large categories. Interesting observations some of them… even I havent met all of them πŸ™‚

  4. Vinod- Aloha! Of course, you’re not… Don’t worry, at some point you will connect with father, brother, boyfriend, husband and lover, won’t you? Surely, you’ve been in love?Saurabh- Mutations, well, I tried to keep it as simple as possible. Ah, looks like I’m the only one who knows the right bunch of weirdos.Let’s just wait and see what the women have to say about this. Surely, some men here in denial. What say, ladies?

  5. Well I can safely say I have met a whole lot of them but the definitions might change a bit. I notice there aint no Mr. Nice guy – The guy who is always there for you when you need a shoulder, a companion for a movie/play, someone to just talk to and get your act together maybe. In these moments of intimacy the line is crossed ever so often without the women realising it or the men assuming too much. p.s > mailed ya.

  6. Hey,Interesting categorization.//The Sick Whacko-The guy who throws you off the building. Managed to stay alive after that?:PSorry, if it was sordid humor πŸ˜€

  7. oh goodnesssssss jups that was hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!you forgot to add ‘the drink stall uncle – the guy who’ll give you your drinks and attempt to flirt while you fish for coins’

  8. LOL!!Still laughing… that was just what I needed when I wanted to take a break from work :)Well, isnt the best friend and the bitch the same person? Well it is for me atleast πŸ˜‰

  9. Mahi- Hahahahhahaa… How could I forget! Let’s include him in perverts eh? I bet I can come up with 25 more categories. =DCasa-Ah! Good on you,I have never had drinks with my best friends, sad to say. Hence the distinction for me! Also, one important point, the bitch is characterised by his standard advice on all men, observeMe:I’m not happyBest Friend: What’s wrong?as opposed to,Me:I am not happy (notice how I haven’t even hinted that the cause is a man)Bitch:Dump him

  10. Aye! In denial indeed they are! Thought of a few categories that I could have added to your list but then realised that they’d fit in elsewhere as well. :)Thanks! I laughed so hard that half the office thought I was being crazier than usual!

  11. Bring it on Saurabh, bring in on… PS: We are complicated, yes. But if only guys had the sense to figure our these complications, life would be different isnt it? ;)PPS: Jupiter, just being a bitch and having fun on your blog. Hahaha… getting addicted to it, especially after the photo fiasco πŸ˜€

  12. Saurabh-But the bottomline would still be MOM and BITCH right? right? But either way, attempt it! Im curious to read how men see us.Extempore, Cowlick- Honestly, I had no clue it was LOL-funny. Well, Kudoes to me! hahahaCasa-Please, compared to what you did on my blog the other day, I think you’re just peachy. People are totally welcome to ask me to shove it on this blog. After all, I started it πŸ˜‰

  13. With you on that one, Casa! Simple things they don’t understand and we’re the complicated ones! Fine logic, if you’re asking me!Your pardon, Jups, for using your space this way. πŸ™‚

  14. Now now…. come around women. Get real. Mom & Bitch are too broad to categories. From the top of my head I can assimilate a few1. Mom – well.. 2. Tomboy – the one who’ll be gae for anything…except anything feminie.3. Miss Delicate -exact opposite of Tomboy, in thought and action. For her nail polishes and shoes are more important than adventure or travelling.4. Kling-on – I want to go with you here and there and everywhere. Gosh woman leave me alone.5. Bimbette – Ready for anything as long as it involves sex.6. Touch-me-not – Ms. “Oooh you kissed me. Will I get pregnant now?”7. Friend – Extremely hard to find. Rarer than platinum but valued much more. Truly one in a million.8. Use-&-abuse – self explanatory.9. Ms. how-much-money-you-got – They seem to be mushrooming everywhere now.10. Mirrors – Very rare again. A man needs one and they help you see the true self. Unadulterated and uncut truths is what I have come to expect from them. True gems.11. Aunty type – “Oh! You have grown over the years” – And I thought evolution worked backwards.12. Grandma – Well they can be divided into 3 subtypes but I shall refrain. just for reference – Orthodox, Adjusting & with the times and a reflection of your own mother.Phew…. can think of more but I’d like to see some more inputs from others.Maybe the line is bit skewed but there’s a point in there somewhere…. πŸ™‚

  15. What about The Fasionable man? The kinds who is draped in the finest of fabrics and laced with the best of perfumes, and looks down on your dressing sense and choice of colour?:)

  16. A woman can be1.Honest2.Dishonest,opportunistic…blah…blah..This category can be further divided as1. Honest – a. Mother b. Sister2 Dis……– All other woman who are neither mother or sister.Those who don’t want to agree may do so only to experience life more and then agree , period.

  17. Saurabh- Come on, you didn’t have to mock women on every count. Some of my categories are actually nice! I’m disappointed. Although #6 is hilarious!Neha- Aloha! The Metrosexual?well, hmmm…Nandya- Aloha! Oh yes my dear, don’t you all? =D You coming up with counter? Don’t follow.

  18. Well I shall carry the baton forward.. I do know mature women. Some of them real gems. And I respect them. All of them are my good close friends. And one, more than that. I do see a lot of people seem to have taken offence to my list and some even gone on and labelled me as sexist, Chauvinist. I am not here to wage a war or to berate women. I was just playing along as Casa had invited me to do so. No harm intended but women – be a good sport.Jups : Apologies for using your comment space for the retort but I thought this was the ideal place to clarify myself.

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