Suspicious Minds

We interrupt our regular programme for this very special news report.

The Jupiter, she’s been out collecting very valuable data and has arrived at some very disturbing results. It seems that many very eligible Bombay men may be missing their balls. The cause of this grave problem is not known, but the symptoms are far-reaching, much to the disappoint of her sizzling sistahs. The Bombay boy has some very good qualities, he is usually good-looking and much more chivalrous than the lot. But he also stays with his mom and Jupiter’s research shows, may be missing his balls. Are you one of these men? Take the test.

On your zero-eth or first date, do you do any or all of the following?

1. Discuss vomit-inducing topics like marriage or children
2. Discuss #1 in the context of religion, caste, creed or your sister
3. Ask questions like “Do you promise you’ll never leave me?”
4. Claim to really like her but insist that you want to be “just friends” because your mother would be devastated.

Yes, it seems that the problem is graver than we expected. Many men, I say, many men have lost their precious pairs, thereby being rendered powerless in front of the firebrand Bombay girl, who is simply looking for a good time and couldn’t care a rat’s ass about your mother or your sister. She laughs at marriage and doesn’t really care about what caste you want to bring up your future children because she doesn’t intend to bear them. Not now, not on the first date. She doesn’t want to be just friends because she is not a dork. You are.

So please, if you answered yes to any of those, you’re not doing it right. Drops of Jupiter encourages you to protect your jewel purse and be a man. Show the girl a good time. And try not to make her throw up.

This special report was issued in public interest by Drops of Jupiter after speaking to several firebrand women who do not believe that kissing is “to cross the line of morality”