The bonus dream expense allocation plan…(quite a mouthful eh?)
It’s that time of the year. Forget Christmas and Kwanzaa, people. This is the real shit that is bananas. In a few weeks time, many of us will receive a letter bearing news. Some of these letters will tell you how your boss’s boss’s boss’s pet poodle (who is in fact much richer than you) now gets to spend his annual holiday in the Caribbean. (Because the Caribbean bitches are hot!) And some of these letters will make you do that funny eye thing that Tom (the cat, not the looney actor) does when golden dollar signs roll where his eyeballs should be.
If you’re not working yet, then you won’t receive any letter. End of story.
Under the assumption that the bonus will be a beautiful five figure whoppah, I could plan a lot of things, like a down-payment on that yacht I’ve always wanted, but let’s be a tad reasonable even in our prayers..
God has other things to do besides rigging the Russian roulette when you’re rolling.
… 5000 let’s say. Its not much, but we must be thankful. Four digits go a long way.
(500) 10%- Shoes
That’s five pairs of mind-blowing blockbusters, eight if they’re on sale. That’s at least a year’s worth of shoes, if you don’t constantly trip on banana peels or jam the stiletto in the gutter or pull a Cinderella at midnight.
(500)10%- Some ridiculously expensive designer accessory
That’s ten percent of your salary that will make you look like you make ten times more than you actually do. That my dahlings, is an investment. It will get you the best table at the restaurant and even another job, maybe.
(800)16%- Diamond Earrings … a third of a carat.
Here’s a little something I read the other day.. From a list of accessories every woman must have…
“Don’t wait for your boyfriend or your husband to get these for you” … Very true. Every woman must have a nice pair of solitaire studs.
For the men, go get yourself some gizmo that microwaves your food and lets you check your email at the same time. Knock yourself out.
(2000)40%- Fixed deposit
In case you get fired or elope with the postman, you’ll need this money to pay for your food or your marriage license or whatever the hell you need if you make such stupid decisions.
That’s two good holidays in off-peak season and one in the peak season, or one in off-peak season when you insist on flying tomorrow. I hate giving advice to people who can’t plan. Geez, its like looking in the mirror!
(200)-4% To spare,
Throw a party for all the poor souls who’re nice to you…or
Buy some game cds for your litte brother…
or for my little brother if you don’t have one.
Get a really expensive hair cut, or two very expensive manicures,
Get that Calvin and Hobbes collection you’ve been eyeing,
Get a lava lamp!
Let this be your crazy money…do whatever the hell you want with it. (Most of my money is crazy money)
Like me, you too can be your own financial planner. A little goes a long way.
P.S. I’ve never actually wanted a yacht, but an island maybe? Yeah. I can live with that. I’d like my own little drop of honey in the ocean. Do you know someone who likes giving islands as birthday presents?