Strongest suit

Last night was hilarious. I should have technically stayed at work until 10-11 p.m. But I was let off early like a good little kid who finishes his homework.There was a party.It gave new meaning to boring.

I left the party at 1030 and went back home. I stay alone- just me and my dvds. Bored out of my socks *insert stupid laundry pun*, I did laundry for the next two hours with a passion.I love my clothes and I love them clean. Tumble cycles, hand-washing, flat-drying all the little vain instructions on the side tabs were followed. I feel so fulfilled.

I think its a sign you’re losing your head if you can obsessively wash clothes at midnight when there is, in fact, no underwear crisis for the next day. (I think the men know what I mean)This is kinda like the time I was fuming mad and proceeded to label and arrange all my spice jars in the middle of the night. Making excuses for stupid, irrational behavior doesn’t necessarily justify it. But admitting there is a problem or even just knowing it is a step. And writing about it, a second.

Stark raving mad or not, I completed a half-written limerick.

It is very creatively titled “Laundry Day”. Enjoy.

Soaps and suds, conditioning away,
Sunday is my laundry day,
My pretty little clothes are dripping away,
Sunday is my laundry day.

Don’t wring or squeeze, flat-dry is the way,
Don’t tumble the machine, hand-wash is the way,
If you stick cashmere in the dryer, it will just waste away,
But I’m more careful on my laundry day.

If the heap grows on for 3 months and a day,
Those skirts will smell like dung on hay,
Saturdays are for drinks and play,
But not Sunday,sir, ’cause its my laundry day.

Lord, the cottons shouldn’t stretch, I pray,
Lord, the colors shouldn’t run, I pray,
Wash darks and whites separately, I say,
Use some discretion on laundry day.

Use mothballs to keep the bugs at bay,
Add softener to make them feel like shea,
Use bleach,if you will, to wash ’em stains away,
Be meticulous, for God’s sake, its Laundry day.

I cook me a nice meal on Sunday,
I take a nice long bath on Sunday,
I reward myself quite well, I say
Its a lotta hard work,this laundry day.

*drumroll**applause**wolf-whistles*

If you think this is banal, then think again. The Spice Girls performed a song called “Strongest Suit” (pun intended again) for Aida, that lovely musical with lovely music; the lines of which go

“That in negligee or formal,
I am anything but normal,
Because dress has always been my strongest suit…
Overwear,underwear,anytime,anywhwere…ooo…”

Music by Elton John and Lyrics by Tim Rice.. (the duo behind Lion King)

Now I ask, in all fairness… where is my recording contract?

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11 thoughts on “Strongest suit

  1. Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!! This is just hilarious! Laundry has never been accorded so much attention before, I’m sure. I think your laundry ought to do itself this sunday, for all the attention it has received :DAlso, since when did wednesday become your laundry day?? I thought we stuck to weekends…

  2. Wednesday becomes laundry if you start piling unwashed clothes on the bed. ICK and double ICK.Some people write songs about love, and I write tributes to socks. ;-)And I wish they’d wash themselves man!

  3. How about tributes to washing dishes, or cleaning the toilet? And I’m sure you could glorify arranging DVDs to a whole new level.Your first album could be “The Domestication of JupJup”….

  4. first of all des excuses for not coming to thy altar for daily bowing ritual :p. so here goes all the pending comments to all the posts since the one on which i commented [in chronological order.. umm reverse i guess :D]u know what, start a company of ur ownwhen do the inspirer seem to be in need of some inspiration?oh, don’t tell me u get less than 12 compliments in the first 3 hours of ur entering ur officelovely suspense, u can give nancy friday run for her money ;)why wont u company those who’ll come alone, instead :pwhatever happ to ur boyf? else, hire a slave instead of buying that dior ;)oh right, everything that sucks gets paid except maybe life :pdid she really tell you to shove it???what’s a cyclops? [tho i’ve heard about it – ok i goggled it, nevermind]i just read here why u would in one of your future posts bw very happy about Feb 😀

  5. Burf- Aww I am touched by that.. =)-I could never do that..Im not that type..(no money)-When life sucks..-aww!!-I know ;)-Maybe I will!-a slave? but Im a lady ;):)-not literally…-its a one-eyed person/giant/ogre/monster..-Errr.. explain this.. I don’t understand, but it has a smiley at the back so..Ill assume its a positive one =)

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