Ladies and Ladies,
Today we lament the loss of something beautiful. Something unique and something gorgeous. I’m sure you will empathize.
Yesterday I lost my most beautifullest, most perfectest chandellier earrings. Ladies, they were of the thin silver wire hoop with graduated strands of tiny mildly turquoise beads hanging nonchalantly to my shoulders. They were of the ethereal beauty that made straight men go “Now those are sexy earrings!”
They were light- and I’m sure you know that this is an important and oft-ignored design feature of many earrings; most pretty earrings end up being proportionately heavy. But not my favorite earring, girls. They were light- light like a master chef’s tiramisu.
And did I mention they were beautiful? But here’s my strange luck with beautiful earrings. Every time a woman compliments them, I lose them. Every single time. That’s how I lost my blue cloissane earrings the first time I got smashed. And that’s how I lost my work earrings- tiny blue wire flowers.
These chandelliers were lost at work. My huge hair is partly to blame. You see, ladies, oft my delicate earrings come undone and get lodged in my hair. And then they silently slip away and most regrettably so. Case in point, yesterday, when I went to the bathroom to change into my skanky top to go partying after work and I realised that one of them was indeed lodged in my hair. And much, much to my chagrin, the second one wasn’t. I was most upset.
Much like your favourite dessert and your soulmate, the beautiful earring has no substitutes and no replacements. In fact, I used to regret that I never bought the earring in other colours. And now, it’s too late.
*stifles tears, does the sad head shake and walks away*