devil in disguise

My trip was quite educational for my mom-She discovered my thongs, my drinking more than “just wine”, my unHinduunbrahmin meat-devouring relapse and my fondness for the occasional hookah. Talk about surpriiiiise!

My parents are closet anti-conservatives in that they are unorthodox even though they pretend not to be, if that makes any sense. I realised this only when my uncle interpreted this for me by pointing out that my folks had never forced me to do anything. ever.

Knowing that my parents were and always had been on my side (even when I made mistakes) felt really good. I guess some families grow up and evolve with their daughters. That’s a heartening thought.

So anyway, when I saw this tag from my favorite punkster and fellow-evil-feminist-ogre-Satan-worshipping-chalusistah, I was only too happy to be tagged! At the outset, let me just say that this is the Juice and not some sorry-ass apologetic pathetic space, that Jups enjoys male-bashing with a perverse pleasure because when it comes to male-bashing, Jups is right and the men never have anything worthwhile to say in their defence. Hence the perverse pleasure that can only come with unabashed arrogance.

Five things which feminism has done for me:-

1. Bullshit Radar/ Bullshit X-ray vision

Feminism has taught me to see through the terrific bullshit that men are so good at concocting. Men are not only capable of churning out the finest quality of terrific bullshit, but they are also adept at disguising it under the pretexts of care, love, help and other forms of patronising concerned emotions. Sometimes, you miss these cheap (and rapid) insults because they are sugar-coated to no end and even your friends can be guilty of this. You can identify these responses promptly- they (a) insult your intelligence, (b) offer you help in correcting your shortcomings and (c) usually end with a “dear”.

Example: “Oh noooo, ummm.. I don’t think you should do *insert beneficial action*, in my shitty dimwitted opinion perhaps you’re better off doing *some other shit* instead, dear”.

(Yeah I know, you’re welcome)

Well sorry darling, I know you love me but whatever you’re selling, I ain’t buying.

Because the Jups needs help only in two departments- reaching things that are higher than her head and crossing the road.

2. The removal of guilt/ the manifestation of power

Feminism tells me to feel guilty, apologetic and ashamed neither of being a woman nor of my achievements just because I am not a man. I am better than a lot of men I know and I know that threatens them no end. I know men can’t handle me because I challenge their definitions of what a woman should be like. Yeah I have fifty shoes and I’m into the arts and I do happen to be in the know about most things. Tough luck. Men don’t like women who don’t need them. I know where my next fix is coming from. Heck, I’ve been told by some men that I am too rich for their liking. So you like your girls dependent and poor so you can buy their “allegiance” or subservience. Tough luck again. This is also why I don’t take drinks from skeeves (note that I say skeeves, not friends) especially the lowlifes who have no idea that I can outdrink them ten times over. Fuck that shit, I’ll buy the next round.

3. Respect for women

Feminism has corrected my views on the flesh trade and porn-stitution. It has demonstrated how the men have convinced so many of us that it is the fault of the women involved. Andrea Dworkin’s writings have moved me to tears. Day after day for centuries, women and girl children are beaten, battered, bitten, tortured, sold and enslaved like they were cattle or even lesser priced commodities and somehow we’d like to think that they intended it to be so. Even women believe that the women are to be blamed. Don’t believe what the men tell you. Of course it’s easier to point a finger at the stripper or the prostitute. Of course it’s easier to claim that it is her will and her desire. But remember that there is no supply without demand and not vice versa. And did you actually bother to ask her before shamelessly qualifying her choices (or lack thereof) ? Excuses are for apologists- “it happens to men too”, “she chose to do it”,”she was asking for it” are examples of such retardation.

Maltreatment of women demands sympathy and resolution, not excuses. Feminism is about the former.

For the proverbial record, I am dead against prostitution and pornography of all sorts and severity, so don’t ever say to me “But I thought a girl like you would be cool with it”; not unless you want my handbag full in your face. It’s not “cool”- do you even know what cool means?

4. My Body, My clothes, My prerogative

This is probably self-explanatory but every dick on the planet would have you believe that the way you dress determines whether or not you are exploited. I blatantly disagree. Feminism has broadened my vision and my wardrobe and I refuse to be responsible for any fantasies that may be a perverse by-product of my presence. I also refuse to wear minimizers because “otherwise it’s too provocative”. (I call this existential provocation)

Society wants you to cover up because that is what makes society comfortable. Well too bad, because in the sweltering heat, shortshorts make me comfortable. Have you read the My Skirt poem from the Vagina Monologues? You should. Women with lower neck-lines don’t necessarily have low self-esteem. And I wear sexy clothes and go dancing because I like doing just that. I refuse to qualify my intentions. Whatchagonnadoaboutit?

5. My life and liberation

Feminism has taught me to understand the fear that comes from being a woman without being debilitated by it. It has given me the courage to leave my country and my family, dismiss my comfort zone and pursue my dreams; even if that dream is as minuscule as going to Amsterdam alone (yeah, even with Damrach okay?). With mild persuasion, it has kept me unmarried and childless up until now. The quality of my life is unaffected by the lifespan of my ovaries and I am thankful for that. Of course family has a part to play but social education is a slow process and feminism has played a big role in that process. So I am glad my parents were the not the retarded sort who say “NO PHONE CALLS FROM BOYS”. Open-mindedness begins at home.

In what still is predominantly a man’s world, feminism has liberated me in more ways than one. It’s easy to take it for granted, and it’s easy to diss feminists. If you didn’t know any better.

Does talking, hell even ranting about it help? We have come a long way and we’ve realised what we are capable of. Education and franchise were not privileges to women of the past but they are afforded to us now. So who knows? Maybe someday freedom from rape could be added to our list of liberties?

Over to Casablanca to spread the word.


28 thoughts on “devil in disguise

  1. If a man is unsuccessful, you should stand by the failure. If a man is successful, you should spend the rest of your life in his shadow. NO, you dont get a place for yourself in society. How could you even ask!And they pretend to be friends…

  2. Now now… don’t be so hard dear. (Sorry, could not resist drops of rhetoric stupid humor)Hmmm… quite interesting fundas you have…. now that I have restarted drinking, may be we should sit down for chat. And you can totally buy a round for me, I don’t mind. (Pretty shameless, judge all you may)

  3. OMG, point # 1 is so me.. and the husband has never been too happy about that. 😉 At least he has learnt to be more honest with me, coz I can see right through the BS! On our first date I said “Cut the crap” to him, which I usually saved for much later with others.. :))-mockingbird

  4. Kris- Im back dear..and boy did I have a lovely time.. :)Punskter- Oh but they wouldn’t dare 😛 *makes poking gestures at imaginary trolls, poke poke*Mockingbird- Awesome! Disciplining and domesticating husbands is very very important 🙂

  5. There seems to be lots of anger seething behind these words. Feminism, is something that I havn’t understood yet, definitely whenever it had thrown light into some unconscious preferences engendered in me, it proved to be a welcome prod to change. Beyond that, it’s quite meaningless to compare achievements of men and women on the same terms. It’s the socially legalised opinions, whose unheard voices that I yearn to hear.

  6. “At the outset, let me just say that this is the Juice and not some sorry-ass apologetic pathetic space, that Jups enjoys male-bashing with a perverse pleasure because when it comes to male-bashing, Jups is right and the men never have anything worthwhile to say in their defence. Hence the perverse pleasure that can only come with unabashed arrogance.”So… Feminism = Male bashing?Did you know that in Phillipines, by law a man has to give 87% of his income to his wife after marriage ?And they say its a man’s world.If generalising is the way to go then there is plenty against ‘women’ which is downright despicable. Things which only women do or are capable of. Dont believe me? Try sitting with some 60 to 80 yr old women and see how they function. There is plenty of filth on both corners of the ring. To keep pasting each other with it is not my idea of ‘making a point’.My 2 cents.

  7. Naveen- I’m glad it helps. Don’t go by my words. Feminism is more than male bashing. In fact. THIS is what feminism is.Eleventy-seven-I want to talk to you about equality, what equality is and what it means. It isn’t just an idea. It’s not some insipid word that ends up being bullshit. It doesn’t have anything at all to do with all those statements like: “Oh, that happens to men too.” I name an abuse and I hear: “Oh, it happens to men too.” That is not the equality we are struggling for. We could change our strategy and say: well, okay, we want equality; we’ll stick something up the ass of a man every three minutes-Andrea DworkinPhillipines eh? Umm.. do some research will ya?And honest to God, I have no clue what point you’re trying to make despicable geriatrics.

  8. @ Eleventy seven: Do YOU know what the point of this post is? Did you realize that you missed the point completely? Do you see that the Phillipines is a horrid example only because the status of women in the Phillipines is close to deplorable? Do you see that by using the age old “what about men too” cliche you have again proven that you have completely misunderstood jupe’s post OR you havent read it at all?And what were you alluding to with respect to the “Try sitting with some 60 to 80 yr old women and see how they function” bit?

  9. I know what the point of this post is. ITS CANDY Its all just smile. There is always going to be inequality, and the truth of the matter is you can only lead by example towards the future.But on a more serious note, feminist often ends up being used as a shield for Man bashing, as the most extreme man haters usually are the ones out there in the public eye causing the most rucus’s while more sensible ones simply promote the equality in their own lives.Rather than constantly using feminist, you should be saying equalit-ist. or something like that. I dunno, I’m not as eloquent with my words as I’d wish to be, i’m an actor not a writer. Anyhow, prefering to promote women’s causes primarily is again another form of sexism. I mean, Why not try to start breaking down the terrible sterotypes that men are presented as, trying to restablish their image and remove their assumptions of themselves and the female gender. I know in the end this ties back into the “hetro men now are all gay” or the “don’t dress like a slut because it degrades you” arguements. I’m too tired. I give up. No commitment to my points.I’m going to bed, to eat candy. I hope to god I don’t offend some poor woman or man by doing so.

  10. Kris- I never said feminism is the same as male-bashing. I like male-bashing and that’s that. And what’s the point of getting technical with the word “feminist”? Sure there are a billion problems plagueing the human race- we’re just trying to solve a few that matter to us. If men are so terribly upset about the problems they keep whining about, why can’t they start their own movement? They can call it chauvinism or pig-ism or whatever they want.And being bitter about generations of injustice on half of the world’s population is called for isn’t it?

  11. Jupes 😀 I liked your post and by association Megha’s as well (or whatever way around – I loved them both :P) Firstly – I hope you had a FANTASTIC trip and kudos to you for getting out there 🙂 Secondly, to all those who say feminism is male-bashing – it’s not. It’s the promotion of equality of women, but it just so happens in order to do that we need to highlight the issues that women suffer from more and therefore are lagging, just that tad, behind. Men have issues too…my GOD they have issues, but you can’t resort to that kind of comparison to make any progress.

  12. See, this is why I shouldn’t try and explain myself when immensly tired. I don’t have the commitment to explain myself, so i’m misunderstood.As for man bashing, its fun. hell I do it, although I tend to get omitted from most of these comments by “But you’re not a guy, You’re more like a lesbian krister”. Boy, does to ego love that.Anyhow, i’m getting technical on the term, because if you’re throwing your lot in with the man haters, those who don’t see reason and think men should be shackled for the next 3000 years to make it equal, then you’re not moving towards equality, You’re moving towards a Matriarchy society, just as bad as the men, so We may as well slap you and put you back in the kitchen. I’m more just sorta throwing out pushing for equality rather than females. At the moment, the females are in the negative, so we promote their rights and expectations in society.Oh, and be bitter if you want Jups. I think its stupid. I’m not bitter atthe germans for kicking my family out of country and Home. Nor am I bitter at the country, for de-crowning the crown that My direct bloodline’s part of.Just gotta realise that its all stupid, and all you’ve gotta do is lie back and treat people the way you think they deserve to be treated.That, and candy.Happy candy everyone.

  13. Kris- Matriarchy is a far cry dear..we don’t even have fairness esp not when abuse and violence are so prevelant.And I wouldn’t blame you for being bitter about your legacy being compromised. I think we have a right to feel wronged when we are wronged. I also believe in forgiving, but it’s not always easy is it? And with men and me.. it’s the same cycle, i like em, they take advantage, i hate em..etc.. Anyway fuck that.So you’re ..umm.. a prince? How you doin ;)Silvara- Giggle.. as do I.. and liquorice too 😉

  14. To be honest, I don’t give crap about the monarchy. I think its far better this way.We live now in a society where the rules are lying in equality, even if the execution isn’t. However, if you give it time, slowly the social rules will totally reduce the sterotypes and implications that people have and a better equality will exist. I’m not saying don’t fight for it now, but just expect resistance because its likely 2 generations at least will have to die before you see change.Also, from a socialology view, feminism have moved very damned fast. It usually takes hundreds of years for even the slightest changes to happen, and usually societies are so resistant to the change they get out the pitchforks and burning torches. I’m amazed that its progressed so far in 50 years.And yes, i’m a Prince without a crown. So basically i’m just a regular person, who if I insisted people called me prince it would just be fluffing up my ego.

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