Clint Eastwood

I finally finished it and it was a gratifying moment. Felt damn happy that mom and grandpa totally approved of my writing. I also am kicked about the fact that I had the balls to actually write out slightly daring things in my essay.

So anyway, now that one load is off my chest, it’s time for the next one. No surprises here, my pet peeve, thought it’s hardly a pet. It’s more a pisses-the-fuck-outta-me peeve.
Arranged Marriage. Or should I say Apathetic Mass-piss-off-ery.
UGH!

About a week from now, the dreaded meeting is scheduled to take place. Despite the fact that it would be MY wedding (hypothetically), I have very little say on these grand diplomatic negotiations which are so clever and polite and tactful that I really believe the South Indian community ought to advise the U.N or the Israel-Palestine mediators on how to get things done. So mom and I were chatting today about the grand meeting and she was asking me what I would like to know about the guy.
The irony is that mom’s the only one who can really understand why this is frustrating me, and she is not the one meeting the parents of the boy. Wonderful.

It’s all cool with me because I am still unmarried and I will be so until I want not to be. But the problem is that even if I agree to this bullshit, I can’t have my wedding my way. Which I think is grossly unfair. I want to be able to decide what I will wear, what my hair will look like and everything else in between. I’m one of those girls who plans their wedding from the time they’re 13, and it should be no surprise- I plan my wardrobe a LOT.

And I definitely know what I DONT WANT TO WEAR.

–The horror of all horrors, the compost of female clothing, the monstrosity that is the 9-yard saree–

The 9-yard saree is the fugliest outfit ever designed- Unflattering, bulky, dowdy and a complete waste of cloth. I don’t care if you disagree- I abhor this outfit like I abhor well.. this outfit. I won’t wear it. And somehow this is creating a major outcry. Mom and Dad are all cool with my choice, but some people aren’t. Apparently it’s the tradition and blah blah insert psuedo-religious guacamole about the greatness of Indian culture. Why should the survival on Indian culture depend on my wearing an abhorrent distasteful fugly outfit? I mean, correct me if I’m wrong here, but isn’t our culture sooooo great that it has survived centuries of attempts at modernisation? Huh? All of a sudden poor lil Jups has to bear the burden of furthering traditions? Bollocks.

“What if they threaten to stop the marriage if you say you won’t wear a nine-yard saree?”
Hmmm. That’s an interesting thought, and kind language it’s been worded with too.
What if I threaten to stop the marriage if he doesn’t wear an Armani suit? Or a BATMAN costume? I want to marry BATMAN dammnit! Oh is that immature? And threatening to stop a marriage isn’t? If we’re all going to be relentless and immature, I say we involve comic books. Plus I am not kidding about the Armani suit.

Is this how it’s supposed to be? Trivial pursuit of ridiculous customs is all justifiable simply because “the boy’s side” can ask for it! That’s the bigger issue here. Not my fashion preferences. The bigger issue is that someone has the prerogative to hold a marriage hostage to what the bride wears. Given that the bride is a reasonably significant part of a wedding, isn’t that something to think about? It’s also noteworthy that the woman’s family normally bears the brunt of wedding expenses too. I’m genuinely ashamed of being an Indian. You can have a big walk in the park with all the progress talk, but it’s all shit and mud if a girl can’t choose to wear what she likes on her wedding.

I am also well aware of the fact that my marriage is not happening tomorrow. In fact nothing has been arranged YET. But it still bothers me that regardless of who I’m marrying and when, I am being judged for a purely personal choice that will not affect anyone on this planet. I want to wear a normal saree, or a lehenga. It’s not like I was gonna turn up in a bikini, but even if I did, it wouldn’t be the worst thing a human being did.

Nobody is doing me a favour by marrying me. I wear what I want on any odd day and my wedding day is NOT going to be an exception. All the traditional farts who think otherwise may kindly fuck off from my face. Including Mr.Bridegroom.

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16 thoughts on “Clint Eastwood

  1. What if they threaten to stop the marriage if you say you won’t wear a nine-yard saree?”Hmmm. That’s an interesting thought, and kind language it’s been worded with too.What if I threaten to stop the marriage if he doesn’t wear an Armani suit? Or a BATMAN costume? Fair enough! LOL!

  2. Hehehe…SO right!!! I’m lucky that I have the choice to wear what I want because my boy is NOT Indian and his knowledge of wedding attire is limited to the white dress…heheh. Only problem is I have been FORCED to look at pictures on the NET for inspiration because Australia just doesn’t have a decent range. Forget decent. Barely adequate and all made up of 9-yard saris. Yech. You better make sure you get your choice clear because your wedding is, in all honesty, about YOU 😀

  3. Relax, your parents are being paranoid… his parents wont ask for such rubbish. The bigger problem, I feel, is that the bride’s parents in India are ready to bend over backwards, even when the groom’s parents dont ask for it.

  4. Hey, what’s with all this fury? You’ve an option to find somebody and marry. Independent you are, right? Oh ok, i get it, arranged marriage is the lesser evil of the two? or finding someone yourself is so much trouble? or compromise outside family pressure is just not an option?

  5. 1. If the guy you will marry is worthy of a few minutes of discomfort, the 9 yard saree should not be a problem.. (if you’re talking about the 9 yard saree, you must be Tam, in that case forget the groom’s family, it would mean a lot to your family too if you wore it just for a few minutes right?)2. These days, the bride’s family alone does not have to bear the expenses alone. Maybe you are talking about a decade or two ago. The upper middle class have evolved, and when the bride and groom get involved in the planning, they can chip in as they wish, and turn the tradition around. If that is a problem, you can still pay for your own wedding, to reduce costs for your family.3. You can wear whatever you want and wear your hair just the way you want it.. Yeah, many indian girls too plan their weddings elaborately, right from clothes to accessories to everything, and no one stops them (unless of course you were serious about the bikini!) Your view of India is so old-fashioned.. you need to go home and spend some time, maybe, to see how things have changed.. And hey, no matter what, your family will support your decision, so relax.(Your post actually made me go, thank god for my family!)

  6. I wanna marry batman too!!..or..er..if u’ve already taken a liking for him i’d settle for spiderman.. 😉 but seriously i think its fun to do stuff the traditional way at weddings coz thats the only time i probably wud b doin anything traditional.. but If u dont like it,then i dont think u shud do it!! After all as u said u wud be a “reasonably significant” part of the wedding…u have my support 🙂

  7. dinesh- Damn you! 😛 I hope and pray you’re wrong! Clint Eastwood is a song by the gorillaz (all titles on juice are songs )Strider- See? thanks! I dont ask for much!Silvara- you’re lucky yo! I need to find me one of those..But seriously, are you gettin married or somethin?Casa- I know..it’s the general mentality that’s at faultNaveen- Tsk tsk..where do I begin?Are these the options- find a guy RIGHT NOW or get married to whoever we choose?Anon- Blah blah, don’t patronise me. I know India as well as the next NRI. I also know guys who get to choose their bride based on how much dowry they will get. So don’t wax eloquent on some exceptionally modern cases, when the fact of the matter is that India is just about as modern as the wheel.And it’s not just about your family, it’s about relatives. Seeing as you know so much about India, it’s a shame you don’t realise that.Di- Damn right!

  8. From your blog posts I just thought that you were from a modern family (plus relatives and all – thats what I mean when I say family), I guess not. Sorry for my mistake! There are two sides, and I was talking about the good side, well, maybe you just don’t see what I see.

  9. Anonymous Upstairs,Intelligent people have the ability to see BOTH sides – it is called the big picture. Well, maybe you just dont know how to see it.Sorry Jups, had to take this moron down.

  10. Anon- Oh wow, more patronising bullshit. How does it matter if my parents are modern or not? READ!”What if they threaten to stop the marriage if you say you won’t wear a nine-yard saree?”They= The boy’s family, not mine, you dimwit.Take your blinders off, sit down and have a steaming hot cup of reality check, mr/ms know-it-all.Casa- Be my guest. The ‘bigger picture’ people are the ones that fail to open their eyes and admit that India always was and continues to be the only demented place on the planet where eve-teasing and dowry are prevelant to such a disturbing degree. Modernism MY ASS.

  11. Eeek…dropped into a debate about the modernism of India – my parents still think it is like it was 25 years back…my sister went last year and saw for herself how “modernised” it has gotten. Yech. Guys/Girls there have multiple bf’s/gf’s to be “cool” – girls go for money – guys to try and get some easy lovin’. All behind the parents back as well. My family is a mix of modern/traditional which is quite different to the other “NRI’s”. Either they’re still pining for the Motherland, or they really Westernised.PS – Yes I AM getting married 😀 Not for a long while – hmm…Spet-Oct next year, haven’t set the date yet. “Official” engagement 29 or 30th December!!

  12. Silvara- You’ve hit the nail on the head. It’s either psuedo-modernism which is anyway quite restricted or nothing at all.OMG CONGRATULATIONS. Your engagement is barely a coupla weeks away! Awww and double awww..*gushes uncontrollably!*

  13. Stumbled on your blog and have been hooked for the last hour or so! I just HAD to leave a comment on this post. I am sooooo with you on the hate-the-whole-goddamn-nine-yards thing! I’m on a crusade to put an end to this monstrosity too.

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