On a normal day, if you were to introduce me to a stranger, nine times outta ten the stranger’s first question to me would be “Do you have a sore throat or is that your real voice?”.
This phenomenon is pronounced when I go to the doctor’s. They think they have me figured out when I say “Hi Doctor!”..”Lemme guess? Sore throat?” “Uh no actually…” “Oh sorry..
So you can imagine what I sounded like yesterday with an actual sore throat. I sound like two things – a) No sound b) hyena-frog hybrid loud, obnoxious cough. In the afternoon, I couldn’t take it any longer and ran downstairs to the docs. Before she could say anything, I croacked “This time it is the sore throat!”
I left office with a bagload of the usual antibiotics and cough syrups. Went to bed at 4pm and woke up at 1130 pm. Dissolved a white chocolate praline in milk, glugged it down with the meds and went back to bed and woke up this morning. I am feeling reborn- still sick- but fresh too!
Work has been all sorts of sucky. I haven’t had the time to blog- I miss Juice okay!! The boss is beyond pissed since I broke the news to him. I have to admit I am so not putting in my 100% into my work but can you blame me?
I feel a little anxious today. Marriage talks have been rekindled by the boy’s (let’s call him Antonio okay?) parents. As always that scares, confuses and angers me. I thought the case was sealed after my last major breakdown. I’d had a fight of bollywood proportions over the phone and felt really bad about it. But I was also relieved that it was behind me. But at my cousin’s wedding, the Antonio’s parents nudge-nudged my folks and the case has been reopened. I hate the fact that this affects me so much!
I’m in Asia, Antonio is not. I’m gonna be studying next year, he’s not. Hypothetically, no marriage will crystallise before next year which means I have nothing to be scared of. Then why does this bother me so much!!!!! ARGHHHHHHH!
For one, arranged marriage pretty effectively thwarts any delusions that a 24-year old single girl would be clinging to. Yes, my fantasies have been suitably revised after these few disappointing (in terms of relationships) years. If my fantasies were a newspaper, cynicism would have editted the fuck out of it. And arranged marriage quite easily destroys whatever’s left. Picture this.
Random friend “How did you two meet?”
Me “Ohh our parents introduced us”
Random friend “Oh how typical! You Indians still practice arranged marriage don’t you?”
Me “Ohh noo…umm well… yeah it was arranged”
Random friend “What a boring story.. ahahhahahaaa”
The conversation will then move onto more interesting, non-conformist topics. *Puke*
Apparently, Antonio’s parents are keener than ever. Right, am I supposed to feel flattered? Sure it all looks impressive right now but what guy wants to marry a girl better qualified and potentially more successful than he is? Ideally, these things shouldn’t matter but hey we’re talking about arranged marriage here. Pro-AM-ers love stereotyping. In the pro-AM world, “not-so-good-looking and dark” girls will take good care of their mothers-in-law. Girls educated abroad have “affairs” and bad habits like drinking.
I’m not sure how I feel about all this plotting and planning that is going on across state lines and continents. My folks called the other day and informed me that my horoscope had been sent to the boy’s parents a few days ago and they have been extremely excited ever since.
This call is what I call an FYI- call. My folks sometimes call me up just to fill me in on random developments like
“By the way, the neighbour’s daughter eloped with some random guy” or
“By the way, we had your horoscope translated from English to Malayalam”
“Antonio’s father has invited us over”
Why did my horoscope need translating to begin with? Why now? FYI phone calls never seem to know. Now I have known for a while that my horoscope-schmoroscope is apparently quite auspicious. Girls with inauspicious horoscopes are not as marketable in the AM market. Such an offensive and ridiculous system, wouldn’t you agree? Aside from the fact that it is downright ludicrous to brand women as marriage material based on what star they were born under, how do these people believe that certain birth stars will preempt the unnatural death of certain of the boy’s family? And why aren’t those considerations applied to men? Hell to the no, one wouldn’t dare ask such a question.
But forget the stars for a moment, because thankfully my parents don’t have to worry about all that. Even so, they consulted some goddamn astrologer about my marriage. And this godforsaken man has apparently prescribed some holy crapola to save me from perpetual spinsterhood. How? Easy-peasy. I have to fast every Monday. But of course! That makes total and complete sense. The most ludicrous thing about all this nonsense is that I have been observing this fast every Monday just to keep my parents happy and as you can imagine, the boy’s parents’ sudden rekindling of interest can be interpreted as the fast’s success.
God 1. Jups 0
p.s. At this point, I am compelled to confess that Antonio is ermmm.. devastatingly handsome and Lord knows that it is crippling my resolve like nobody’s business. Which begs the question- what do you do if your parents introduce you to a boi you can totally picture yourself dating?
p.p.s I wonder how he feels about all this. Does he even know? What if he is also against AM? Would AM then end up thwarting what could have been a marriage made in heaven? Does anyone else see the irony in this? Am I gonna stop with the rhetoric? Am I? Am I?