We might as well be strangers

The Keane song that breaks my heart is dedicated to a guy who proved that he is the veritable douchebag I suspected him to be. You think you know someone but before you know it, they’re mouthing off clever jokes at your expense. Pah.

*Sips her third glass of tomato juice*

What an interesting Tuesday I’ve had. I went to the dentist for my review- all’s well apparently, for now. Then I took the bus that will be the bane of my existence for the next 6 months- aka the bus takes me to school. The frequency of this bus is 21 minutes during AM peak and 3-11 minutes during AM off-peak. Don’t you just wanna gush with joy? I found out why pretty soon. The bus came hurtling toward me in less than 2 minutes- nearly empty. Then, at each stop women with toddlers kept getting in. I was probably the only person who wasn’t a mother or a domestic help. I have therefore decided to call this bus the housewife express. Something tells me that I will be bitching a lot about the housewife express in the future. So quite in keeping with the mission of the HE, I then went to the supermarket to do some much-needed grocery shopping.

I am not pleased with my supermarket. I hate the changes they keep making. I was totally craving my signature awesome salami sandwiches but they don’t stock my favourite paprika salami anymore. And their chorizo was looking a bit umm… shrivelled up and weird so I steered clear of it. Oh-kay.

They’ve started arranging their loaves funny. I pulled a loaf from a shelf higher than my head and ka-pow I get hit by another straight in the face. Geez, you go away for a month and you’re getting pummeled by gluten in a supermart.

And they don’t keep my favourite browne’s low-fat yoghurt either. Correction- they don’t keep ANY low-fat yoghurt at all. The only one I found had nata de coco and aloe vera. Well fancy making raita with that? I don’t think so. I like nata de coco in my drinks, I like aloe vera on my face. I don’t want either or both of them in my YOGHURT! These are the same people who make chicken-flavored potato chips. Who thought that shit up?

On the bright side, they now DO stock my favourite Red Rock Deli potato chips- these babies from New Zealand are the bestest chips you’ll ever eat. Don’t take my word for it- even Heidi from 101cookbooks blogged about it! But I didn’t buy em this time, I’m trying not to be extravagant. Yes I can smell your skepticism all the way in my bedroom but the truth is what I spend on clothes, I make up for by cooking many of my meals. And I felt it was a bit indulgent to go overboard on gourmet chips. (they cost about 5$ for the tiniest little packet that contains 4 chips and 3 breaths of air)

Well anyway, I was in no mood for Indian food, they ran outta salami and pasta seemed a little dull for the bright day that today is, so I thought I’d make Mexican, which I did. And here’s the kicker. I bought a pack of tortillas and you’re not gonna believe this- they’re all stuck together and so help me God, I have no idea why. First they want me to eat full-cream yoghurt and now they want me to eat one 4 inch thick giant hybrid mother of a tortilla.

My supermarket hates me. Well, I hate you too. Gimme back my paprika salami, my disjoint tortillas and my low-fat yoghurt!!! You think you know somebody…

P.S. While we are discussing mundane household chores, Let me say that I also gave my clothes for dry-cleaning. Why the fuck is dry cleaning so expensive if there is “no guarantee on stain removal”? Am I paying you twenty bucks to have you spin my pants in a giant barrel of air?

P.P.S. What is fluten? is it like gluten? What is fluten free food? Are people just making stuff up now? In that case, my quesadillas are zlorben-enhanced and methane-free.


2 thoughts on “We might as well be strangers

  1. Hahahah good to see your back!! Giant mother of a tortilla…I burst out laughing and got weird looks. Hehehe.Luckily my supermarket doesn’t do that – but I got to a few and it’s hell trying to remember what aisle everything is in. Rock deli chips are the best!! They are like in every vending machine here…mmm… đŸ˜›

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