under the bridge

Today, I decided that I am not going to watch anything – no sitcoms, no tv, no nothing. So I am listening to music, intermittently cleaning my house, planning my friday night and contemplating about life, the universe and my lunch.

Under the bridge is a kick-ass song, it’s a song that captured the hilarious angst of my late teen years. (Isn’t it funny how everything from your teenage seems incredibly retarded and stupid in hindsight. It’s a huge “what was I thinking?”). Anyway, this isn’t about my teen years. The song is basically about a love affair with the city. And I guess for me now, it’s about leaving this city.

At least I have her love
The city she loves me
Lonely as I am
Together we cry

Okay, a tad melodramatic but can you believe the levels of suckage it is gonna be to leave? Pack up and leave? Even for a little bit, it’s going to suck. It’s going to be oh-so-difficult to pack up all over again and shop for the shit you need in a new house. The new place bit should be exciting but somehow right now, it isn’t.

Firstly I don’t know where I am going. It could be the US of A. And like, umm, that’s not a bad thing per se except that my feelings on that country are : Yeah it’s awesome, there’s a lotta junk food, nice people, great shopping and umm.. I never wanted to live there? Going to Wall Street at this time of the year.. I have mixed feelings on that.

It could be some place in South America. Brazil? Okay, it’s pretty and I have some close friends there but what in fuck’s name am I gonna do in Brazil after the initial excitement of beaches and awesome brazilian bikinis wears out? Argentina? I admit I am curious to visit the “paris of latin america” but visiting is very very different from living. And what about the possibility of 200% insanity when I grapple with the 15 hour time difference with Singapore? huh? huh? What? It’s like 4 am there? Oh sorry…

It could be Spain. Great. I speak super-bad Spanish and Europe is such a treat to live in with its exorbitant taxes and all-round astronomical cost of living. On the bright side, the time difference is not that major.

Sometimes I think I am way too young to just settle down in one place and that deep down inside I crave this uncertainty, this wanderlust. After all, I always wanted a job where I could travel to other parts of the world. It will look great on the CV too.

Then I think of the other things I wanted too – like saving up and buying my own place, actually living there, maybe with a guy I adore. Let’s face it, we don’t know any gypsies with 100 pairs of shoes nosiree those gals have a closet and it’s staying put! And wouldn’t it be so ironic that the traveling job ends up paying for the house? So much conflict… so much!

And now it’s bothering me that January is far far away and I have so much to plan!

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12 thoughts on “under the bridge

  1. Plan karne se kuch nahi hota, so relax and go with the flow. I sincerely hope the flow takes you where you want to, i am sure of thing though it will surely take you to where you belong, and now wherever that it is. For the time being i pray it be Singapore.Cheers

  2. you only complain don’t you?!when you din’t have something, you wanted it…now you have it and it’s not good enuogh!stop complaining about every little thing in your life, because honestly, it’s not that bad!learn, at least sometime, to be happy with what you have.it will go a long way – even in your personal life..it’s funny how that hasn’t become ‘not good enough’ yet!

  3. mockingbird – the company is spanish, as for the country ill be posted to, I’ll find out soon!anon 2.10 – true, I do complain..but come on, I work very very hard and luck is never on my side. I think it’d be nice to “just get lucky” once in a while instead of sweating and bleeding for every little victoryAs for being happy with what I have, I have two words for you my friend – MBA LOANAnd besides, if I become content, I’ll never be motivated to do better

  4. Loans? Having been through MBA myself, i understand the costs…then again, it’s the risk you and i chose to take! Yes, markets are bad, which is just a temporary phase…which requires you to pull through it with more effort, sweat and hard work! and if it’s money to really survive, i can sympathize…unfortunately, that’s clearly not the picture your blog seems to paint – with all the holidays and everything! Is it possible, someone with no money, on a holiday and parties, at every chance? it’s clearly not a question of food-on-plate-roof-on-head here! one more thing, if loans were of that big a concern, why push for more and more money when you are clearly not oblivious to the desperate situation around you with companies and countries crumbling, something that is hurting the very industry you are looking to get into – where there are heaps of people who have been laid off, available to take up just anything!Jups, there is a fine line between true motivation and being content. While we are not working for charity, when something is of a fair monetary value, true motivation is what propels you to take up the challenge!Finance theory applies in life too in a way – the value of what you do for a start today has greater future value. Money need not be the source of true motivation, if the value is fair.And in really turbulent times, it’s not the exhorbitant sums of money but the quality of the work that has more value, because – trust me – in bad times, you can get sacked as quickly as you can get hired. So, while your goal is the stars, don’t run after them when you should aim to get to the moon first

  5. come now, we both know this is a very very bad market. For all my hard work, I can’t get my dream Lehman/Goldman job, can I? Money is totally important and so is finding a job in Singapore where Brendan is. But I am getting niether! Clearly the next couple years won’t be a picnic. And as for money, all that’s left is the 2000$ I invested that are worth less than 40% right now. All the holidays I took were during B-school when I still had some savings. Now I have zilch and at least 3 months till I see a paycheck. I don’t expect you to sympathize but just know that it’s been tough. You’re an MBA – you should know what it’s like to set high expectations from yourself, right?

  6. You set high expectations – that’s great. One must set those. But it’s good to have a view of the longer term in all of this. I don’t know how old you are, but you seem young. As someone has said, for the longer lasting future gains, the shorter term hardship is worthwhile. If Brendan and you are meant to be, then this is probably the litmus test for the both of you! If it really means the world to you this is a short time to bear the burden of distance. Besides, in this market if you prove your worth, there is no end to where you can go! Take this hardship as another lesson in life. I am preaching a lot, you say…maybe i am, but that outlook of learning something from every little problem has helped. and it will certainly help you too in more ways than you can imagine. Works not a peach for me, it’s probably not what i dreamt of, but its taught me so much and it is a huge huge step towards greater things, i can see it every day i work on mammoth problems and find solutions to them. Every hurdle – including time without a job – has taught me something – or pushed me to find an opportunity in it. You ahve a job, you have a great relationship…maybe not the ideal place, not the ideal money – but good nevertheless…yet, you have a problem with it! that’s what is surprising! If life were perfect, it wouldn’t be worth living!

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