human

This was meant to be published a few days ago.


I don’t know where to begin. The past few weeks have been surreal in every way possible..They were good, they were bad, they were sad, they were ugly, they were sometimes a relief …I guess what they were anything but boring.


I want to say that I bid goodbye to Singapore but it’s just goodbye for now not for good. I am not happy about that and I really want to hope back again soon, if only for a week, if only to stay in Brendan’s beautiful apartment. It broke my heart to leave. I cried so much. Leaving is painful; Leaving Singapore was worse – leaving all those friends behind, leaving a place where virtually every place or restaurant or building or park had a memory was just… confusing. Why was I doing it? Why now when the boy I loved was right there in a place I loved? It’s maddening.


And then there was Bombay. Coming back “home”. Funny I don’t even have my own room in my home anymore. Funny I don’t know where things are. But at least I love the people I am with. The parents are finally happy and proud.


And then there was Delhi and meeting of the parents. You know how they say “all’s well that ends well”? For starters it’s barely an “ending” to speak of but let’s just call it the end of the trip to Delhi which ended on a positive note. The rest of trip was a total disaster. It took a toll on me and I am clearly still reeling in the aftermath. There was little sleep and virtually no eating either. There were so many cultural differences, so many instances of miscommunication; I was nervous, terrified even. There were moments when I had to wonder why I was doing this, whether I should just cave and marry someone else that my parents choose – after all it would be easier and at least I wouldn’t have to upset my parents so much. So I thought about it and I said to myself, of course I could marry someone else. Of course he could be cute, and rich, and smart, and of the same community. Eventually, I would be content too. Of course it was possible. But it wouldn’t be Brendan and I would always look back and think about the life I could have had. I don’t think I could bear a painful retrospective like that. I want to at least TRY to make this work. Those dark, cold nights I cried a lot and visions of our memories, our dinners, our dancing kept me strong. And as I (or they, whoever they are) said, all’s well that ends well, at least for now. We have a long way to go but at least our parents are on board now and they do love us. His parents, me and my parents, him. I hope it stays that way.


It’s been barely 3 days since I last saw Brendan. He’s back in Singapore now. Already it feels like he’s so far away. Then this sharp reality check comes a-knocking. For God’s sake, now we’re 2.5 hours apart and soon we will be 13 hours apart. 13 hours, several thousand miles and God knows how many months before we even see each other. I will need every sane muscle in my body and every cute photograph on my computer.


Maybe I can just go back to Singapore for a week to be with him? But I don’t have the time to be a pathetic lovesick puppy right now. My bank is being so late and lazy with my visa papers that I really need to work long and hard to make sure everything gets done in time for my next Madrid trip.


And that trip is giving me some zeal. I am meeting Casa after several months and we’re embarking on another Angkor Wat style 2-girls only cultural adventure. This time, we have chosen Alhambra in Granada, Spain. We’re planning to stay in a Palace Hotel in the lap of luxury, nestled in the mountains and right beside the beautiful world heritage site. How can I not be excited? Heaven knows I miss her and we really have so much to talk about! Not that we haven’t been in touch, but still. After Granada and the training, I intend to visit the uncle again in Amsterdam for a couple of days. He’s always been supportive and especially now with Brendan. And I do love staying in his cute little house. So I like said there is a lot of planning!


But for now, I’ll just go to bed, head to the temple tomorrow and pray that 2009 is a beautiful new year filled with pleasant surprises, fewer complications, a lot less terrorism, bright opportunities, lots of learning, dreaming, spectacular holidays, romantic evenings, amazing food, exquisite wines, hours of dancing, new beginnings and happy endings.


Amen.


Update: Since I wrote this, something major (on the fashion scale) happened. I bought my first pair of JIMMY FUCKING CHOOS! Woo hoo! They’re classic black leather boots – kneelength and perfect for those snowy New York winters. I am thrilled but more on that and other fashion news later on Juice. Needless to say, stay tuned.


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One thought on “human

  1. hey!!happy new year – wow a lot has happened in that time. I’m really glad that things are getting better and you have support :)Spain sounds awesome – am insanely jealous but not so much as jealous over your JIMMY CHOOS!!!I am still waiting for the day I can buy a pair (although I DID buy a Jimmy Choo wallet for myself for Christmas).You’re on your way!!

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