The more you know that you cannot get something you want, the more you want to want it. Right? Case in point The tiffany legacy ring – a ring so perfect for me, it’s as if in my former life, I was a queen in a forgotten era and I wore that ring and that is precisely the Edwardian glamour they’re talking about and that is precisely why I feel such a deep connection between my finger and that ring. If I had the money, I would buy it for myself and propose to myself and accept and get married to myself and live happily ever after as long as that ring was on my finger. It’s as if it was the one. The one that when you laid your eyes on, violins started playing in the background and birds started singing and you just knew that it was the one. Do you get my drift or should I come up with more metaphors?
Brendan has ruled out the ring hereby referred to as The One. He says The One is too expensive. He says there are more value buys and the mandatory 1 carat diamond can be obtained without burning that much cash. Yeah but will that ring have the EDWARDIAN GLAMOUR that The One has? Will I hear birds sing when I look at it? No sir, I won’t.
I am aware that I sound like an ungrateful, stupid cow but humour me, will you? I am getting more and more frustrated knowing that I have little or no control over any aspect of this engagement, save for the guy I am getting engaged to. Thank God for small mercies? I can’t control the fact that people are choosing to attend this event uninvited or that they’re choosing to stay at our place uninitiated with little regard for the fact that I get so little time with my family and that I don’t want to get crowded around on the few days prior to this event. Why are Indians so pushy and clingy and annoying? Is it too much to ask for you to book a hotel? Oh no! Wait! Let us pay for that too. No, it’s not enough that my dad will probably run up an astronomical hotel bill during the two lavish weddings I will have in the future – he has to fork out for any out-of-town guests even for the engagement! WHYYYYY!!!! And don’t even get me started on this new trend in India of writing “no gifts please, only blessings!” on the invitation. Why? Because you’re too proud to accept gifts? Only Blessings MY ASS. My wedding invite’s going to say “Only expensive gifts please, we have no money left after planning this elaborate party for your pleasure”
I can’t pop open a bottle of champagne at my own engagement – partially because the place charges extra for serving alcohol and partially because oh no it’s a religious ceremony. Here’s an idea, if marriages are sooooo fucking religious, how about if we didn’t throw lavish parties in banquet halls and went back to the temples again? How about if we didn’t care if there was a continental cuisine or a chaat stall at the ceremony huh? How about not being selectively religious and selectively ostentatious?
No Veuve Cliquot, No Legacy ring but I get relatives for free. Congratulations to me. As you can see, when I started writing this I was in a bright and cheery mood but somewhere between speaking to my mom and getting all my suggestions vetoed and realizing that my work environment is thoroughly sexist, I lost whatever good cheer my crisply ironed linen pants and a picture of The One brought. Whatever.
I told Brendan once that we’re already getting married south India meets Bollywood style and North Indian style. Can we get married free style just for us? A wedding we can enjoy? He said “we already did that – we lived together”. Don’t you just looooove a smart-ass?