I chomp down a fruit salad at my desk in another dismal attempt to lose weight. I am trying everything – I work out whenever I can (which isn’t too often seeing as I have to work such crazy hours), I go swimming at least once a week and I am trying my level best to eat better. The last bit is the toughie because there aren’t too many great lunch options – there are sandwiches, sandwiches and more sandwiches. No I am joking, there’s also soups and overpriced salads. I am happy to eat salads everyday but ever so often something goes wrong (yes I use the lightest dressings like lemon or raspberry vinaigrette…) and I get indigestion and stomachache presumably from some greens that weren’t washed properly.
So far I don’t see any results. The diesel jeans that are a tad too tight are still tight. I still look miserable in bikinis. I look miserable, period. I really want to lose this unemployment-weight!!!
Work has been busy busy busy, and that means that there is no time for gym. It doesn’t help that the gym in my building closes at 8pm.
What is even more petrifying than the fact that my miniscule efforts aren’t bearing fruit is the nagging suspicion that I might actually be gaining weight. I am not looking my best here ladies and gentleman. Either my clothes are shrinking or my body is expanding. I don’t even know how that is possible because I am eating salads, very little meat if any and only simple carbs, whole grain bread and general healthy stuff. Like right now I ate a whole grain sandwich with vegetables (and a bit mozzarella in one half). It was quite literally raw inside-out. I went for a run on Sunday because the gym was already closed. What else can I do? How am I ever going to look svelte (ugh..i hate that word) and slim and sexy in time for the engagement?
In engagement-preparation related news, both Brendan and I are so busy with work that neither has any time for anything. It didn’t help matters that I went to a real Tiffany’s store and altered my preferences. The Legacy is pretty no doubt but it only looks super fantastic when it’s a good 2 carats or more. There are prettier rings; and I had to take a fresh look at them when I tried them on my tiny fingers (which are a blessing because the caratage required is lesser when you have thin fingers. In fact, A 1.5 carat looks positively enormous on me). I liked the patented Novo ring and another stunning ring that Brendan picked out. I liked the latter a lot especially because he chose it and that meant something. Overall, I guess by now Brendan has a clear idea of what I like and dislike and I am pretty certain that I will love whatever he buys for me. I don’t want to see it before the engagement; I want that miniscule element of surprise since I never actually got to experience the surprise proposal moment that I see sooooo often in movies. Sigh.
It’s one of those days (or weeks I should say) when the self esteem really takes a beating. A lot of miserable things are making me miserable. The weight loss issues for starters. I am hungry, deprived of cheese and fat. That equation simply does not balance. The ring issue – Brendan was mad at me because I somewhat changed my mind (technically I haven’t, all I am saying is that princess cuts look better at 2 carats or higher and that is out of his budget so we have to go for plan B but the fact remains that I still place princess cuts at 1st place).
I went for a cooking contest at work, made a half-assed effort and made deviled eggs. Why? Because I knew I wouldn’t win anyway. It was after work and I had to bring every ingredient with me and that’s just fucking annoying because I am a total cooking nazi and I would end up taking my entire kitchen with me if I had to make something a little more complex. Anyway, I usually add a tiny amount of spring onions to the deviled eggs but because I didn’t find those, I added leeks instead. That wasn’t a bright idea because it ended up being a bit pungent. But they did taste nice and they looked stunning. Prettiest dish in the contest, but I didn’t win and I am not at all surprised about that. I am bummed out though. Sigh
Zipadeedoodah moved to New York last week and that’s just great – having a good friend move here is very heartening. We hung out over the weekend – we shopped at Macy’s and I picked up something I have longed for forever – a Nespresso machine, not an espresso machine, a Nespresso… that stuff is awesome. Then everyone and their mother told me it was a ridiculously overpriced gadget that I didn’t have any real need for. Add to that the fact that it won’t work outside of the US (then I realize that wait a minute! My super awesome TV and dvd player won’t either…what the fuck!). So now I have to return the nespresso machine. Sigh.
Zip and Casa both think that I don’t need an expensive 1 carat ring. On the one hand, I do value their opinions and they are sort of right. On the other hand (and I kinda like this hand more), it’s a once-in-a-lifetime purchase and a thing of beauty and it doesn’t have to be a logical decision. I said to Brendan that I would wear it for the rest of my life and I would really like to wear something I like because I would look at it every day! I find out later that Tiffany’s uses the same reasoning in their marketing brochure for engagement ring! There will always be bigger and better ways to spend that money. Today it can buy ten overpriced sofas or pay 4 months of rent. Tomorrow it can be part of the downpayment on a house. Day after, it can pay for a kid’s college fees. Whatever, you get the drift. My point is there’s always going to be a use for a sum of money and then a better use for a sum of money. Should I deprive myself? Should I lead myself to believe that I don’t really want the one thing that I actually want in this wedding? Or should I only want the things I need? Should I really have to justify this to you or to Brendan or to my parents or to anyone else? Sigh.
p.s. coming up next the long over due post about my super-awesome visit to chicago…stayed tuned for the lowdown on chi-town jups style..