don’t go breaking my heart

In a concrete jungle, among the wilde-taxis, the lioness sings about the circle of life… you have a bad day at work, your love life sucks, you feel unloved and then you drop a bundle of cash on a pretty dress or a beautiful pair of shoes. At least that’s what I thought but the last few days have been somewhat of a curve ball. Work had been okay the last few days. And today was actually an exceptionally good and rewarding day (I won’t go into detail). But I have been shopping and my attempts at retail therapy have gone wrong. Something’s not right.
Instance 1) I went shopping on the cheap at H&M, spent a lot of money, in two instances. Then I came home and realised I hated half of what I had bought and proceeded to return them.
Instance 2) I ordered two pairs of premium denim (evidently a brand worn by Halle Berry – no, my ass does not compare) and they were too loose. Now I have to return them.
Instance 3 is what has broken my cold heart in two, Instance 3 is like a scissor to an expired credit card… Instance 3 is a gorgeous, teal colored silk off-shoulder dress from Badgeley Mischka…yes my first Badgeley Fucking Mischka. Instance 3 arrived today and I went home early to greet it, try it and love it. Alas it was not to be. The dress looked fantastic and I could tell just by looking at it, that it was the right size and yet it wasn’t. The neckline was too deep and not PG-rated at all, which isn’t such a big deal but there was just way too much cleavage and I just couldn’t breathe. The empire waist was a wee bit tight and the silk was ironed all wrong. All in all, it was a GIPE – good idea, poor execution. And yes I have gained some weight. Ugh. So yes, this beauty needs to be returned.

This weekend, I will do the traditional thing and hit the stores…the real physical stores…In the meantime, there is a flouncy magenta dress from Romeo&Juliet Couture with my name on it somewhere in a UPS truck. And if that doesn’t fit, then so help me God…

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