money money money

Dear fellow banking professional, interviewer, person in position of relative power,

You and every other person like you in this industry is the reason for the elevated levels of suckitude and mass-fuckery in the industry. After receiving yet another rejection for yet another lousy number-crunching role in a yet another multinational banking giant, I decided that I couldn’t sit there and write yet another apologetic email requesting for feedback. No, I don’t want any feedback; how about I give you some, instead.

You are just a cog, you are disposable and so is your contribution. Your work is easy to learn and replicate and you are not special. You are not Albert Frikking Einstein and the only way your work can change the course of humanity is by bankrupting it. I do not debate the advantages that an evolved banking system holds for society but I question your smugness – not just at people outside the field (and of course you feel that way because you make more money) but also towards people from within the industry. What I find so deplorable is your condescension towards the people who worked or work in the same industry, albeit not in the same field. Where you can find the holier-than-thou attitude to do that baffles me.
Here’s a newsflash – people who work in credit can learn equities and vice versa. Someone who works in operations is not stupid just because he/she works in a stupid job. At the end of day, everyone who works in this industry is in the broader business of turning money into more money and how do they do that?
WITH MICROSOFT FUCKING EXCEL.

Add some reports to it and call it Research. Add some bureaucracy to it and call it Operations. Add a telephone to it and call it Sales. Add some alcohol to it and call it Client Relations. Take excel out completely, add business class flights and call it senior management. Call it what you want, but please don’t make it sound difficult because it isn’t. The only thing that differentiates one bank from another is its IT budget.

And if it was so difficult and so sound a science and if really you were that prudent and diligent, then you cannot possibly explain yourself for fucking up the global economy to the extent that you have. I don’t understand credit default swaps and niether do you nor does the senior most banker in the best bank and that is why we are in the mess we are in. We are all in the business of buying and selling things we don’t understand in the hope that the market somehow inflates or deflates the value of our positions based on sentiment. We trade notionals based on probabilities – Today it could be the probability of Greece going bankrupt, tomorrow it could be that of a comet hitting Earth. Either way, the organic value added is zero.

I know I shouldn’t indulge in finger pointing since I work in this very industry. I work in this industry and I really enjoy what I do and I want to keep working in this industry. But I can’t help myself. After all the interviews I have attended with you hoity toity sorts, I have had it with this self-indulgent mentality. Just tell the truth. You have a great job (and an easy one!) because you got lucky and you stayed lucky. Your bets paid off. Don’t put yourself on a pedestal. Treat your interviewee with the respect she deserves. Give her credit for her work just as you would your own because at the end of the day you both do the same thing that every other banker does.

So frankly, cut the crap. Your job is easy and you get paid shitloads. And that’s why the public hates you and you can’t change that. What you can change though is that you can watch out for your cohort, you can treat people in the same profession with a modicum of respect. The public is already turning on you. Offices are already getting bombed and it won’t be long before someone somewhere declares a motherfucking jihad on the entire industry. At that time, the least you can do is stick together.

Meanwhile, I also want you to know that I am really not interested in justifying my past to you. Yes I am an engineer and that means I am better at math than you and that I am a tad bit nerdier than you. It made me a whole lot smarter than your “tourism and economics” or “business and finance” degrees which are essentially three years of studying everything and nothing. So fuck you because either way, what I did six years ago should have little bearing on who I am now. And I am smart enough to know that your rejection letter should not hamper my confidence (even though in reality it does and I do hate you for that).

Sincerely,
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4 thoughts on “money money money

  1. hahahah….i loved the paragraph on how different roles relate to excel – priceless!! Again I say to you (especially in the situation surrounding this write-up) that you should look at writing as a career. Perhaps start with small columns etc? Writing like this is a gift that should be indulged beyond this blog!!

  2. Anon – unfortunately that's always the case ..sighRoy, well then good luck!P,thanks, you're way too generous with the compliments..I think it would be fun to write a book if I end up being jobless again..frankly, since I read this comment, I've been brainstorming for ideas and I have one really good one. Wish me luck 😉

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