I’m on a boat

You couldn’t tell that the well rested fresh-faced girl on the other side of this screen, wearing a brand new nude chiffon blouse with chanel-esque pearl studded collar, a corset-backed brown skirt and brown/nude patent peep-toe platform pumps has had a rather wild weekend. Maybe you would get a clue from her rather unruly curls that she slept on her couch with dripping wet hair smooshed against her throw pillows. Sacrilege.

I had a lot to drink this weekend.
And there were some pretty serious repercussions, the worst of which involved my precious laptop and a glass of red wine. Marriage made in hell, recipe for disaster. Here’s something you should know if you, like me, have all the grace and poise of a sack of rotting potatoes. If you spill something spillable on something electronic, proceed to shut down the device and turn it upside down. This is easy if said device is a phone or a laptop, decidedly harder if its oh, I don’t know, a television. Do not attempt to restart the device. Take it to someone who knows more than you about such devices.

Needless to say I only know all this because I pretty much did everything I just told you not to do and not done anything I told you to do. I have since trusted my beloved machine to the very capable (I hope) hands of a repair store that claims to have rescued several spillage-inflicted laptops. Why apple won’t invent a waterproof laptop is beyond me. They will invent heaps of new-fangled input/output methods that have no backward compatibility whatsoever but hey, something as useful and intuitive as a waterproof outerbody or a keyboard that isn’t as fragile as a naked newborn roo is beyond them. Yes I am pissed off and disgruntled. How can you tell?

But no, it wasn’t all bad and in fact 95% of the weekend was all sorts of awesome and I really do mean all sorts of awesome from free champagne at a friend’s country club to free champagne at the MCM launch party (a rather peculiar leather goods brand), from baby’s first junk trip (more on this later) to dancing with a really cute boy (who knew how to dance, this is important stuff people!) , from discovering well made baja fish tacos to confirming once again that Californian wines still pretty much suck, from second date with very persistent Indian boy to finally ending the weekend passing out from sheer exhaustion on my soft-as-clouds couch.

I’m on a boat annnnd it’s really fast annnddd I got my nautical themed pashmina afghaaaannnnn (if you don’t know that song, well you should).

Yet another fun thing about living hong kong is the junk boat culture. You get a bunch of shiny happy people, rent a boat (small and cute, or those big massive ones with the fan-shaped orange sails) and get ready to rock and roll (and you know that makes a whole lot of sense in Hong Kong’s choppy waters, boats rocking and all that).

Your junk party comes complete with appetisers and mains and a constrant stream of sangria and beer. Not to mention loud party music or 80s music or whatever you prefer. After an hour or so choppy waters, the boat docks and you can go wakeboarding, jump into the water, float around on inflatable couches complete with arm-rests and beer holders. What more could you possibly want? Well not much apart from the hope that the people you are with are not, to quote a friend, “complete cunts” that get drunk and ruin the party. Thankfully, no one on our junk was anywhere near unpleasant.

I even whipped out my new Brazilian bikini and even though I didn’t have the wash-board stomach it righteously deserved, I tried in all ernest to pull it off. I did get a complement or two on the design itself. The weather was tolerable for the most part and I tried to have a mini-nap on the nose of the boat, only to be woken up by a friend who needed a tampon. Great. As I came to, I felt my entire body sinking, do you know the feeling? It’s when you have had a stressful few weeks, months, cant-remember-how-long and you finally take a break and do something insane like I don’t know, take a warm bubble bath or a mini nap in the middle of the afternoon and you can’t get up? Your body weighs ten tons, your head twenty? Anyone know what I am talking about?

After I returned home, I washed up and passed out from exhaustion on the couch, but not before exchanging about ten texts and one phone call from rather persistent Indian boy. A full 10-11 hours of blissful near-comatose sleep. I should really really do this more often.

But in the meantime, Hazel, also known as the seriously awesome friend who came over and baked red velvet cupcakes AND a ginormous moist carrot cake for me when I was having a rather low day (for more, see last weekend where champagne OD led to much evil) and I will planning our combined birthday party junk boat shindig scheduled for early August. Oh, there will be shenanigans.

p.s. Mumm champagne isn’t all that.
p.p.s. Twice this week, the person on the other end of the phone has recognized my voice. One claimed that I have “the sort of hoarse female voice that is recognisable from 400 miles away”. Oh-kay.


2 thoughts on “I’m on a boat

  1. "Lost Weekend" is what I am calling it…Junk was fun even after puking my guts out :PAnd you know my thoughts on persistent guy!Also – I want to see that husky voice in full effect at KTV too!

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