the dog days are over

Operation “Emancipation of the Jups” Update #1

The job hunt has officially commenced. Well technically it commenced when I emailed the hot guy from the New York office 2 weeks ago but as far as Honkers is concerned, the Jups has sowed the official seeds of her grand plans to land that superfantastic job that will pay her delicious amounts of money. No more shit-eating loserville bonuses. My 2013 bonus is going to be a grandiose 6-figures in U.S. dollars or I shall change my name to Mars.

Also official is Jups’ plan of cutting back on alcohol in a major way. So yes, I got a bit drunk on Sunday night, mighty shameful I agree but today I resisted. I ran into two Italian friends and they prodded and coerced me to have a drink with them. And I did. Two words. Grapefruit juice. That’s right baby, that’s not the bitter taste of a low-calorie drink, that’s the sweet smell of self-control. Huzzah.

This Wednesday, my lovely girlfriends and I are headed to the superfantastic W hotel for wine and cheese and that shall be my only alcohol intake for the week. And so help me God, if I break that promise you, Juice, you, the reader has full permission and authority to bitchslap me across the face so hard that I don’t know shit from apple sauce.

Said limiting of alcoholism and eating out habits shall also help the Jups cull her credit card bill (which was effectively 8000 HKD this month and that too with hardly any shopping, so that proves how expensive alcoholism and eating out habits are in Hong Kong). The Jups also grabbed her finances by the proverbial balls and has built a rather rudimentary spreadsheet to track her net asset value. Wow I just said “net asset value”. Dork alert. And speaking of leopards (whaa? because dorks sounds like dogs, dogs chase cats and leopards are just humongous cats that can eat you), financial prudence (whaa?) will come in very handy as the Jups has decided that in the face of family tensions, she will be sponsoring the Kenya safari trip. Happy frikking birthday to me.

Now, enough clowning around. Let’s talk about something else serious. Like serious wakeboarding. Because by now you have figured out that not only do I love wakeboarding, but I also love talking about wakeboarding. And it’s not just because I have finally found a sport that I don’t suck at (frankly quite ridiculous high school dodgeball dodging skills aside).

It’s the water. See I got to thinking and I had one of those crystallising moments where you realise something that is important and significant and meaningful to your life (noone else could give two fucks about said things).

Somehow in my life, everything positive is connected to water. Some of my bestest happiest moments and memories….

swimming in a deserted beach in phi phi…(I never published this story, was a bit nervous about it but I am about to now)

chilling in a hot tub on the 76th floor of the W hotel or even that orange “Karma”-scented bubblebath that cures the hangover blues on a Saturday morning…

Water strangely has the ability to wash everything off me so that when I am with it, I am just with myself. When I wakeboard, I can’t think about work or fatness or boys, I can’t think of anything at all. All I can really do is try and stay on or figure out the next trick I am going to attempt before I get whacked by a wave and go under.

Maybe Hong Kong is where I should be for a while. At least till I have perfected wakeboarding and learnt to dive? Maybe even wakeskate? Last weekend my instructor let me try a wakeskate.

What is a wakeskate? Good question my dears. Turns out it’s a wooden plank. Yup, no shoes attached to this baby, it just floats around like driftwood (which it probably is). You are supposed to keep your heels touching the skate and somehow (magically) pull yourself up the rope while some invisible magnetic force makes sure the skate gets under your feet at the same time.

You can tell by my sarcasm that I did not really succeed at wakeskating. For now. I’ll be damned if I don’t get up on that skate next weekend.

Anywho I guess my whole point of getting into this water-story was that I don’t need alcohol and fine dining to feel good (I rarely ever feel good during the aftermath, anyway) and I certainly don’t need the men (latest experiments have persistently disappointed). All I really really need is a nice homecooked meal, friendly conversations with friends who care and 5 foot long fibreglass board and a motorboat.

And shoes. And that awesome 6-figure salary-paying job with a boss who isn’t a moody *rhymes-with-bunt*.

The dog days are over
The dog days are done
The horses are coming so you better run

Run fast for your mother run fast for your father
Run for your children for your sisters and brothers
Leave all your love and your longing behind you
Can’t carry it with you if you want to survive

P.S. Excuse the hyperlinking. It’s not self-promotion, it was triggered by the crippling difficulty I had in tracking specific posts down.

2 thoughts on “the dog days are over

  1. My Jups is growing up :PProud of u for taking the leap and let's hope it all pays off. I know it will :)As for alcohol. Man…you're on the right track. I'm such a lightweight these days – so am on board with that! We should really get on board with the healthy thing and go celebrate our newfound teetotallerism with that meal at Life Cafe. It's organic (even the wine!) :PAnd I love reading your older posts! The midnight swim sounded amazing.

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