lookin’ out my back door

It takes a night of insomnia sometimes to shake things up. Or maybe this is all the pent up frustration from not being to properly discuss my problems with friends and family for the reality is some of them don’t understand and some of them make excuses for your enemies in a misguided attempt to play devil’s advocate and some of them just blame you for everything, even things you never told them.

I am sick physically and emotionally. Who knows how much of my irritation springs from the pain of heeling gums and bone from a wisdom tooth removal. While we are on the subject, what bizarre type of self-inflicted illness is the wisdom tooth exactly? A body that is incapable of healing its own bones or growing new ones will well into the second quartile of its lifespan without reason or warning sprout more bone in the shape of teeth that serve no purpose at all but just for the fun of it can instead turn vicious on your other regular teeth? What in fucking Darwinian hell?

Anywho, I got it done. Now I am two wisdom teeth short and thereby less likely to be handicapped unduly and unceremoniously by unwelcome toothache. Not completely, as the doctor informs me that even though the other two are perfectly formed non-mutated non-parallel growing choppers, they will need to come out sooner or later because if they stayed, they’d hurt those naked gums below. Jesus my mouth is at war with itself.

So as I write this, I am part delusional, part nauseous and ironically and inexplicably still in pain after having popped several painkillers. And I am cooking dinner way past dinner time because I had to work late today doing some braindead bullshit.

As I lay in bed last night, unable to sleep, I tried one of the several tactics I use to fall asleep – playing out my own elaborate chick flick romance. Sounds utterly ridiculous, I know, but some happy places are real and some can be make-believe and my chick flick fantasies are delightful and not cheesy at all. You’ll just have to take my word for it. But last night, I couldn’t make any man I knew the object. How utterly unfortunate – no Orangetree, no Batman, no Chris. No one met the lofty expectations of that amazing Prince Charming. And it’s kinda difficult to imagine kissing the Invisible Man. And Creepy. And Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. Fuck me.

I met Chris for the first time since his birthday two weeks ago and clearly to him it had seemed like a very long time.  We had lunch; we went dutch. I confess I am losing or have lost all interest. Does that sound bad? It shouldn’t. It’s like Eddie Murphy says ” What have you done for me lately? ” and the answer comes up zilch. I am not sure I can take more of his whiney complaining or his elitism or misplaced curiosity bordering on ignorance (which is strange because he does strike as a sharp lad most of the time). I think the point here is that this “thing” has reached its expiry date. But he emails me 5 times a day and says my eyes are beautiful and it is somewhat difficult to shake away praise like that especially when you’re as vain as I am. And no sooner do I smile wryly, than will he say something that makes me cringle. This is not going to be clean or swift.

But not all is bad in the land of the Jups…she did pass her CFA level 1 exam. And yes, she has signed up for level 2. Which is supposed to be several times harder. The exam is in the first week of June, which means I only have 4 months or so of prep time. That is not enough for Jups’ horse-around-study-get-drunk-horse-around-study-study plan. Then again, being a nerd is one of those things I excel at like making guacamole or playing airhockey so it should be feasible, not to mention constructive like Vitamins for my CV.

So remember I told you my bonus wouldn’t be great? Well I don’t know if I will even get one at all anymore given that my bank announced that it had a piss-poor year. Fabulous. File this under more reasons to look for a new job fast.


One thought on “lookin’ out my back door

  1. *Hugs*If it makes you feel any better, I woke up with excruitating pain last week and found out I have two wisdom teeth coming out at the bottom. Now I just gotta find the time to get them removed! not looking forward to that all :(Chris is a goner hey? And Batman? I know he def LOOKS the part to be the lead in your rom com.Fuck Valentines Day as well. Totally overrated. Spend it with the girls :)And OMFG – Congrats on the CFA!!! πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ You are a smart cookie and I expected no less :)Job…well…I know if this one thing gets sorted then everything will be ok. Keep looking chica – don't give up πŸ™‚

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