price tag

“The blanket is always too short”, says Mark today and I am instantly mesmerised by the profundity of his simple and witty statement. It’s true, we never have enough. But that is not to say that I don’t have mixed feelings right now.

Mixed feelings – Big things have transpired in the last few days. I am not happy yet, I am not sad yet, I am not mad. Maybe a touch of relief here, a hint of gratitude there and a whole lot of stress. Am I celebrating? No, I don’t feel the need, the urge or that I deserve to.

A few days ago, they offered me a new role at work. Good!
It’s not what I want to do, I don’t want to quit equities. Bad!
I will work directly with a big shot who leads the region. Good!
Because of this, I did not have the choice to turn it down. Bad!
I beat someone else to the role. Good!
I’ll still work with a bunch of clueless nimrods. Bad!

At least I get to stay in Hong Kong. Good!
I don’t have any idea how much I will be paid. Bad!
I could really excel at this role and make a name for myself in the bank. Good!
I don’t want to work at this sexist, underpaying, smallfry crapshoot anymore. Bad!

Happiness is too strong a word to associate with recent developments especially when so much of my future in Hong Kong and my career depend on how much I will be paid this year. I probably will have to move out of my ginormous 1,200 sq ft crazy-for-HK apartment. I guess no more running around the apartment arms akimbo with loud music in the background. Jokes aside, I have built myself a truly wondrous fortress here – a couch potato’s living room, a cook’s kitchen, a fashionista’s closet, a good host’s spare bedroom and a dreamer’s bedroom. To leave and rebuild is not impossible but just seems unnecessarily painful. Like a wisdom tooth surgery but more time-consuming.

Even my usually overdramatic family had a rather muted response to the news. They were part-resigned, part-encouraging, part-consoling. Almost like they felt sorry for me and they rarely ever feel sorry for me. No the usual response to any subpar behaviour on my part is usually met with furious resistance. How can that be? You should have done .

But Sir David Bowie (was he knighted? he should be) said “Turn and face the change, ch-ch-changes” and this is what I must do, have been doing, will continue to do. Turn and face the change… he fucking knew what he was talking about.

I hope you pray that the Jups gets a superfantastic package with so many fucking zeros in it, you’d have to hire an intern to count them.

Because I am dateless again on Valentine’s Day and a nice pair of shoes would cheer me up.

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