We need to talk about my body because the state of affairs is pretty bad. I have gained a round 3 kilos because of California and since California.

Since I have returned, I have kept my jetlag at bay the only way I know how. By eating like a champion. So whether it is the massive Mongolian BBQ plate I had for lunch last Thursday, the McD’s hangover breakfast on Tuesday or Wednesday’s debauchery that involved home-made scrambled eggs, iced coffee, sushi on rice and chai, my body was loaded so full with calories that it was too fucking busy to bother with jetlag.
Which means that the 3 kilos of “excess baggage” I brought back from California has yet to be…unpacked in a manner of speaking. Said baggage is concentrated around the ass, tummy and thighs and I assure you none of it is flattering. Having a big round ass is nice but not if it can be mistaken for Earth’s second hitherto unidentified moon.
And then there was Vishu – new year of the Malayalees and one of Jups’ top 5 festivals. I celebrated by cooking the very traditional maampuzha pulishery, which loosely translates to Ripe Mango Awesomeness. Don’t believe me? Imagine a delicate coconut and yogurt curry that marries the fresh bite of green chillies with the hearty sweetness of lush ripe mangoes cooked in the coconut and finished freshly squeezed mango juice? Please, mampuzha pulishery is one of the unadulterated pleasures that being from Kerala affords you. That and matriarchy.
But my point is I made a pretty big pot of pulishery and I swear, everytime I make this beautiful dish and I taste it just before it’s done, I squeal a heartfelt squeal of pure delight at the fact that my own two hands can create something that instantly teleports me to Trichur, several years ago (a decade?) when I went to see the Pooram. My uncle, grandpa and I had lunch at the house of an old cook, specifically the cook that had worked on my grandparents’ wedding. We ate on the floor, on banana leaves and it was the most beautiful mampuzha pulishery I had ever (or indeed will ever) eat.
But really my initial point was that I ate the whole fucking pot of pulishery with an amount of rice that I am afraid/ashamed to disclose. With a side of enna katrika (boiled and pan-roasted baby eggplants in South Indian spices).

And even before the trip, my skin had been screaming for help. I don’t know if it is the fact that I am getting older or not but my skin has degenerated in the last months. I had pretty okay-ish skin before – not problematic except during changing weather or excessive grease-indulgence. But lately it has been bad – I have heaps of whiteheads, blackheads, acne and miscellaneous shit. As if being allergic to everything under the sun wasn’t bad enough (and I can’t even wear sunscreen cause I am allergic to that too!).
I think a good inside-out detox is what I need, and regular sweaty workouts. I cringed as I typed that but I know the truth and the truth makes me sore from just thinking about it. So after I am back from Taipei, I am pledging to go on a detox – no sugars, no milk products, no white rice or refined flours, no alcohol and MAYBE no coffee/tea (the last one is the hardest, non? I am reading accounting books for fuck’s sake).
Speaking of the CFA, studying makes dieting all the harder; they make a terrible pairing, like Stephen Hawking and a Kardashian Kreature. My brain runs on carbs, coffee and music and without hearty helpings of rice with yogurt, toast with olive oil (“snack”) and hot chocolate at night, I don’t have a shot in hell.

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