live like we’re dying

You should know that I live by my to-do list. I take great pleasure in both adding tasks to the list and taking tasks off with a definitive tick. Last year, I started adding more long-term tasks into the list. So my list has things like “pay credit card bill” (always painful), “change watch batteries” and on the other end of spectrum “turn your mattress around”,  “learn diving” and “travel to ….”

The travel list is long and arbitary and incoherent – Bhutan, South Africa, Italy, Beijing , Palau, Jordan, Mexico, Turkey, Japan – but as you know I was able to take places off the list in 2011 (as well as go to places that were not on the list). The list makes me anxious. What if I drop dead tomorrow? Or go broke? I wouldn’t have seen the great wall or the spring blossoms in japan or eaten at a souk in Morocco or climbed table mountain. What the fuck kind of life would that have been? Don’t answer that, don’t look for logic, my mind works in mysterious ways.

I haven’t done any work today. I simply couldn’t concentrate. Travel is all I can think of. I was nervous because I hadn’t booked my tickets to NYC – Noo is getting married and she insists I must go. I have to go. Her gorgeous wedding is being held at the New York Public Library. How is that for style? I was trying to wrangle a multi-city itinerary with a return tthrough San Francisco (cause I liked it there!) but it wasn’t affordable. None of the tickets were. Then again I put very little thought into ticket prices because I have literally never found a “good deal”. Have you? No. That industry is fucked, despite having robbed significant portions of my paycheck for the last several years.

So once again, I swallowed and pulled the trigger. A 1500 dollar ticket to New Yawk citay and a stop over on the way in Beijing. Beijing will be a budget trip. It will be hot and sweaty as balls but fuck that, I am going up the wall in skimpy shorts if I have to. I only get 6 days in New York but it’s okay as most of my friends don’t live there anymore and I feel I might get a bit on edge/sad if I am there too long. New York has the power to break my little heart so let’s not tempt it.

I also bought tickets to Bali in August to celebrate JUPS’ BIG FAT THREE OH! I sent a grand invite out and many of my lovely friends have already confirmed (with tickets, damnnit!) and others have shown interest. Jin is looking for sprawling 4 bedroom villas that we can all stay together in. It will be grand! It will live up to the hype! Still I can’t deny I am a bit nervous about the whole thing… the pressure to look good, wear a dress that makes angels cry with envy, organize a fun trip, not get drunk and cry over something idiotic (which i do sometimes, I won’t lie)…

I found the perfect dress for my birthday lunch. Trouble is I can’t afford it. Well, it’s not like I don’t have the money, I just don’t have the balls to spend that much on one silk summer dress, gorgeous as it may doubtless be. And as if I need another dress, I have way too many as it is.

Right after the CFA (holy buzzkill moment batman), mom visits me for ten days. This means I cannot drink myself upto my tortured brain after the exam. After she leaves, Casa stays with me the weekend! booze will flow then fo shizzle. Then I am off to New York. It is all very exciting so I am going to have to be extra extra thorough about the CFA prep so that there is no reason to be upset and filled with regret right after.

that reminds me.. I should be going home and getting to my books and a bowl of soup maybe. I am hungry!