let’s get physical

When was the last time you did something for the first time? Well today I went to the physiotherapist for the first time. As you may be well aware, I try to go into great detail about my medical woes and treatments – some of you could be curious as to what it feels like to be inside an MRI –  and this time shall be no different. Going to the physiotherapist is a weird experience.
But first, a philosophical opinion. No sooner had I walked into the Physio department at Canossa Hospital than I noticed how different I was from the other patient. Two very old people and one young man walking slowly on crutches…More than enough to make that wee hypochondriac inside you to want to go fuck itself into an abyss of shame. Then again in my lowly defense, I very nearly cancelled today but finally ended up going because of the exam coming up. Nonetheless my point is that if more people went to doctors and specialty centers at hospitals instead of posh clinics, they’d discover that they only need a fraction of the medical help they think they need. And they’d feel grateful for what they had.

What further drove the point home for me was the crisp white form I had to fill up. There were 24 questions about back pain that one had to answer yes or no. A yes would get you one point, the higher the points, the more severe your condition. I score 4 on 24. What business did I have being here?

The doctor who tended to me was very sweet. She was concerned about my posture and said that essentially my constant sitting around was the culprit. She advised me to stretch and take standing breaks every 45 minutes. She showed me a huge life-size model (by life-size, I mean this man must have been 6 feet, 4 inches tall) of human torso with vertebrae and inter-vertebral jellylike whatchamacallits and nerve endings. The jellylike discs are the shit-stirring culprits for all back woes apparently. She showed me how bending pushed the discs outward so one must always do enough reverse stretching moves to compensate. And she forbade me from wearing heels for 3 weeks. Whoa! Not this shit again! but well 3 weeks isn’t that long when you consider 1 week will be spent at home studying.

After the “coaching” session of sorts, she made me lay on my stomach and poked around. It hurt a little and she asked me to rank the pain on a scale of 1 to 10. “4.5” I said very honestly because compared to two nights ago, this really was just a bit of poking around. Then again it hurts more now, several hours later than it did back then. The spine itself doesn’t hurt but the muscles on the side, whatever they are, hurt so much. I am pretty sure they are a little bit swollen. She then got the nurse to throw a humongous heat pack over me. It was ten times the size of my lovely waterbag and by Jove, it felt amazing. I drifted away for a wee bit and came to feeling all flustered and a bit too relaxed for a Thursday afternoon. After the heatpack came the electrodes. This was frankly just weird – 4 suction cups with wet sponges inside them placed on your bare back and switched on. They whirred away at high intensity but I am not really sure if they did anything. And I kept worrying about work. And when the cups came off, I had at least one big welt. The nurse said I shouldn’t worry though.

That was that. She sent me away but not without having me make an appointment for one more pre-exam session. I don’t want to but I will go back.

There is more minutia that I need to update you on…on what I think and feel and what I hear and see around me…

like how I am feeling ill right from now from eating vast amounts of food at Lebanese supper at the Marriott and how my stomach is distended and uneasy and that’s the real reason why I am finishing this blog post at midnight when I should be in bed..

or how I had an unplanned lunch with my colleague Robot today and how pleasant and funny and multilingual it was (we spoke in Spanish and English) and how weird it is that Robot compliments me so much but not in a skeevy pervy way. He tells me I am smart and full of energy and positivity…

and how that really catches me off guard because Robot is quite handsome and smart and sometimes reminds me of he who shall not be named. He is married though, so I won’t act on nor instigate anything. In fact, this is his second marriage and that did come as a surprise.

or speaking of he who shall not be named, how I booked another trip two evenings ago and you’ll never guess where to. Singa-fucking-pore. Fucking insane right? I am only going for a weekend and it is pretty much just to spend time with Elvish Pixie who is moving to Singapore. The good news is that like me, Singapore has grown and changed and evolved so it might just be pleasant.

or how the boy I went to visit in California called me today to tell me that he read something today that reminded him of me. “Girls without curves are like jeans with pockets, you don’t know where to put your hands.”

or that I misheard “curves” as “curls” and laughed a great deal cause it was so darned cute and then finally realised it was “curves” and felt very embarrassed and probably blushed.

or how I took a taxi today and the cab driver said “your voice is very sex” and that he thought I was sick with a sore throat when really this is the voice I was born with and live with everyday.

or how it was funny that the English 1/2 black 1/2 white chatterbox I met last weekend had said the same thing (but then again a lot of people do)…

or how unfair it is that sometimes the compliments come at me from all angles and sometimes they are just nonexistent and how nice it would be if they were more spaced out because when you’re having a really shitty day, even a silly ol’ cab driver telling you your voice is sex might be all you need to smile.



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