The whole nine yards – part 2: how to not hire and then not fire a stylist

This is a bit of an awkward story to share. Several months ago, I reached out to a good friend and a fashion-forward one at that to help me with some recommendations on all things bridal – henna, lehengas, make up, hair, all that migraine-inducing stuff. She was prompt to reply and recommended that I get a stylist. I was open to the idea but quite frankly I don’t have an infinite budget so I was pretty honest about that. Nonetheless I got in touch with the woman she recommended on email. She seemed really nice and said she wanted to help even though she knew I would not be a high-revenue client.¬† Continue reading

the whole nine yards – part 1

Update: I just realised as I went to bed last night that I got all my math wrong. I’ve revised all the USD numbers below ….Most of them UPWARDS.
I really need to speak to someone about how the wedding preparations are coming along. I want to bore someone into a coma with the details. There is so much that has happened over the easter break and it has all been incredibly fun despite the mosquito bites, the raging heat and the sticker shock I got for every single thing or service that I acquired or tried to acquire in India.

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My first bridezilla moment was an irate email sent 20 minutes ago

Email that prompted my irate response:

Dear Ms. Jups,

Thank you for writing us.

We are pleased to offer you 150 rooms and can  accommodate upto 300 Guest in Cluster sitting arrangement. Please advise us on the specific as its not decided as of now.

Please find attached details for your reference.

Wedding Link : Link to a thousand pictures of a random bride and groom with maybe one photo of the wedding venue. Pictures from what is clearly not a South Indian wedding but in fact one of those horrible Indian weddings where both bride and groom are clearly Hindu but the wedding is very “trying-to-be-a-white/Christian-wedding-but-not-really-because-it’s-not-in-a -Church-because-why-would-it-be?-you’re-not-fucking-Christian!”

Do advice for any further assistance

Regards, Continue reading

Date #1 of 2014 – how to unknowingly end up on a date

If you’re already clutching your pearls, rest assured, I am still very much with Ike.
Ben had a beat-up 40 year old Citroen; you read that right, four zero! It was a beautiful, parrot green amie-8 model complete with all its original meters and gears and resin seats. I loved it instantly. I named it Lorita (after Loro or parrot in Spanish). Ben picked up me at the lake house at 3 pm and we set about to explore the 50 km circuito Chico that passes through a few of the seven lakes in the region and the beautiful llaollao hotel. Ben asked me if I lived alone in Hong Kong which was a nice way of asking if I had a boyfriend. I told him about Ike.

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Paranoia and Ushuaia (primera parte)

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What was that? Did you hear that? I swear I am not going crazy you guys!

For the last few days I have been unable to comprehend my mental state. I have had massive mood swings and I have felt very lonely. I have cried on the phone to Ike and to my brother. I know for a fact that Ike has lost his patience with me even if he says (and he does) he loves me and like me, now uses silly similes like “I love you like eggs love potatoes”. If you don’t get that, then I implore you to try basted eggs on a bed of fried potatoes – it is a most divine marriage. Continue reading