I am back!

HOLY FUCKING SHITBALLS, HAS IT BEEN OVER TWO YEARS SINCE I LAST BLOGGED? I just tried to read that last post about hiring a stylist and I fell asleep after the first two paragraphs. BORING. Spoiler alert: I had a beautiful wedding, almost everything worked out okay (except that the videographer lost our wedding video, dipshit). The wedding was perfect, everybody was happy, the food was fucking delicious even if we only got to eat eighteen hours after anyone else had. And I never looked so beautiful in my life. Moving on!

(Oh and married life is great. It’s everything I ever wanted and also things I didn’t know I wanted. Now moving on!)

I got laid off a month ago. Avant garde bullshit because I was fantastic at my job, loyal to my company and my clients loved me because I made their portfolios all nice and saved them money and made them money. But I still got laid off while some numbskulls got to keep their jobs. But hey, one must not try to take this personally okay.

HK employment law is so fantastically employer-friendly that my severance was as slim as a butt-floss bikini and my lawyer friends still told me it was more than was owed to me by law (therefore I should take what I get). The good news is that since we last spoke, I’ve gotten more and more frugal. Okay I still love to travel, I still buy nice things and my activewear budget is enormous (because I am fucking worth it, okay?) but by and large, Ike and I live well within our means and try to save money. We eat out at only supernice restaurants or we eat homecooked food, none of this mediocre mid-range nonsense. My weightlifting workouts necessitate semi-to-three-quarters-strict adherence to macros so I used to take packed lunches to work and this also let me save moolah. Bottomline is my face did not turn into Munch’s Scream and we should be relatively okay for cash in the short term even if it takes a while to find a job.

Since I didn’t want to obsess about finances, I guess there were only two things left to obsess about – looking for and landing a great new job (BORING/STRESSFUL), and finally doing those things I never prioritised before (FUN/ALSO STRESSFUL TO PLAN). Examples include finally taking that ten day yoga retreat vacation or spending three months in the African wilderness or learning pottery or ummm making a sourdough starter? (All real examples of things I want to do at some point in my life). There’s a word for when you are unemployed and do activities from the latter category – Funemployed. What a fun word!

This week was my first week of funemployment and I am keen to tell you that so far, it has been totally bullshit! My Monday was boring as shit because I had a job interview. Said interview went well but the rest of the day was boring. The only redeeming thing about it was that in the evening, I worked out. Conversely on Tuesday, I overslept, skipped gym (guilty feelings free of charge, endorphin crash free of charge). I had lunch scheduled with Monski. It’s hot as balls right now in Hong Kong and if you know me, you know I like my cabs. I got stuck in an hour’s traffic from Central to Causeway Bay (read: very short distance) and I hate being late. Wednesday to Friday, I scheduled breakfasts or lunches with friends but took the train or the slow-ass tram to meet them. That was no fun. I would be soaked in sweat, head to toe, and I inevitably had errands to run on the way to or from. Meanwhile at the back of my mind, was the case study I had to return to the company I interviewed with on Monday. It was due today.

Using a shitty and less functional Excel online and publicly available information (and no research software), I created a spreadsheet analysing a client portfolio over the course of 4 hours. It would have taken me less than an hour normally? I spent two more hours writing up my analysis. I sent it off today.

So far, funemployment has been busy and not much fun, to say the least. I have had zero naps nor have I started my sourdough starter. ZERO NAPS. All I baked this week was a batch of world peace cookies and they were yummy albeit far too buttery compared to my usual chocolate chunk cookies. The days that I worked out were far better for my mood than the days that I didn’t. I guess this means I need to work out five days a week from next week if I want any semblance of feeling productive. People have asked me if I plan to travel and the answer is that I want to plan to plan to travel but I haven’t had the time! People have also asked me if I plan to make babies because I have all this spare time. The answer is no. I am not going to find ways to make myself poorer after losing my job. That’s like asking someone who’s lost an arm if he plans to chop the other one off to even things out. Fucking nonsensical. Also, people wouldn’t ask an unemployed man that so fuck the patriarchy, women are entitled to find creative ways to spend their time. It’s not either go to work or put your vagina to work!